I wish I had the perfect answer for this. All teenagers are just so different and all of us who parent them have wrung our hands in frustration just like this at one time or another (I can so relate, and I’m sure you and I aren’t the only ones!). But here are my thoughts:
But what they don’t realize (and it’s so tough to get it through to them) is that they are happiest when they forget themselves and worry about others instead. It sounds like your daughter already has this outside the home which is awesome. Maybe you can praise that and tell her how much you admire it. Maybe you can let her in on some things you’re worried about about the other kids and ask for her help. And maybe she will roll her eyes at you (which my daughters do from time to time!). But if you’re patient with it and do your best not to let your emotions get involved it may make a difference.
I just think it’s hard as moms to truly understand what hormones and crazy things are going around in these girls’ heads. There is so much social media to make them feel like they don’t measure up to others portrayed as “perfect” out there. There is pressure at school to do well. There is pressure from friends to be and act certain ways. And to top it all off they haven’t had enough life experience to really know how to handle it all in a positive way. So they take it out on their families where they feel the safest.
Also, never underestimate the power of a good hug. Sometimes, even when they don’t deserve it and we least want to give it, kids need physical touch from someone who loves them most.
I know so many have so much better advice than I do…and that’s when comments come in handy to share. If you have any great words of wisdom for all of us mothers send them my way and I will try to share them here if I get a chance.
Lots more about teenagers (some of it I just realized is similar to what’s here… I must need to re-learn this stuff a bunch) over HERE.