For some reason it hit me strangely how things can be so normal for that technician, chewing her gum, performing a routine test in the blue glow of that screen. Did she know that this is a big deal? And a heartbreaking one? Of course not. She would have no reason to know, and no reason to care. This is just a job. (**post-edit note: I want to clarify that this woman was kind and did her job well. I’m sure she cared about Lucy’s eyes…that’s why she chose that job: to help kids with their vision. But it was the end of the day, and she was matter-of-fact, checking things off…I would be too… nothing out of the ordinary, but it just got me to thinking…) It made me feel as if we were in such parallel universes, her with her gum checking her watch counting the minutes to be done for the day and me with my heart open wide wishing we didn’t have to be there.
In that room.
With a girl who’s vision we’re so desperately trying to hold tight. And the diminishing light cuts deeper with every picture she cannot see, every seemingly obvious obstacle that is tripped over, every hot, angry tear that rolls down her cheeks because she is different. And wants so desperately to be the same.
I’m sure that technician has her own battles to fight that I am nonchalantly unaware of. We all do. Isn’t it interesting how a calm face can cover, so fully, a raging sea of sorrow hidden in the depths?
There is a heavy thing that recently took place in a neighboring town here in the desert that has hollowed out many hearts and makes me think deeper about secret sorrows. It has caused more gentleness and love to spread out like ripples in a grieving community. So much goodness that somehow sometimes waits until tragedy hits to leak out and spread like a salve…soothing, gentle, kind, bending low to pick up the shards that you just wring your hands and wish could have somehow been held together before they were shattered.
I don’t have a silver lining wrap up for this post. Sometimes life is just dark. But I think my bottom line is that we all need each other.
I want to slow down and love more. I realize more and more that that is the answer to almost everything in life.