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a big change for Max this semester

by Shawni

Parenting adult kids is such an interesting journey.

Because it’s like parenting takes on a whole new brand when you shift to adult parenting.

You’re still the parent, of course, and you still want to support and love, but it’s a hands-off kind of a deal.

And why is that so hard for us?

Oh, I’m sure some people have that whole deal down-pat, like there’s nothing to it.

But I’d venture to say that for the majority of parents it makes for an interesting/difficult/triumphant/sad/emotional switch.

We still have all the “answers” (ha! who really has answers??), more like thoughts from our perspective. We’ve been there, we’ve learned, we’ve grown, we “know,” right?

But sometimes we don’t know.

Because we’re not them. And what worked great for us will almost undoubtedly not work quite the same for them.

When they branch off and find their own way, we just have to keep our mouths shut a lot of the time (love whichever blog reader introduced the “KMS–keep mouth shut” terminology to me:)

Anyway, all this to say, I’m learning this over and over again. They’ve got this.

Which brings me to the title of this post: Max made a switch at the beginning of this school year.

He transferred from BYU to UVU.

Yep, he’s almost done (well, just about one year to go).

But he’s doing computer science and he just felt like, after a lot of research and thinking, the program at UVU was a better fit for him.

Oh, Dave and I wondered what in the world he was thinking at first. Why not just finish? Why go through all that trouble?

But guess what? He actually knows more about what he needs than we do. (ha! because duh if you really think about it, right?)

He is loving it, the perfect switch for him, personally.

And I learn, once again, that I’m not in charge any more. I’m just in the stands, cheering my heart out.

Oh, there will be failures. Kids will fall on their faces. Not every choice is a good one.

But the process is the beauty.

And I love watching it all unfold from my spot on the bleachers.

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8 comments

Lisa Grimm September 29, 2021 - 4:35 pm

I never comment on blogs but I have read yours occasionally from time to time and I just want to tell you how awesome I think you are. I loved this post about adult children. It was just what I needed to hear today, to know I am not alone in the feelings I am having and for your words of encouragement. My oldest daughter just moved out to BYU and yesterday informed me she is transferring to BYU hawaii and I am struggling! So thanks again for your post. It helped me out today.

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Shawni October 5, 2021 - 12:34 pm

Aw thank you Lisa, I’m sorry it’s taken me a while to circle back here! It’s so interesting to watch kids grow! I hope she’s doing well at BYU Hawaii!
xoxo

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Kristine September 30, 2021 - 10:21 pm

To be fair he sounds like an Eyre. Didn’t a fair few of you spend some semesters at BYU while also spending time at BYU Jerusalem and then some other college in Boston? More liberty at the other school. He can have a beard like Brigham Young if he wants one. Sorry I’m glad they discourage underage drinking but some of the rules are not something to admire just rules for the sake of having rules so the beard thing and flip flop Idaho rules are worthy of an eye roll. He has the choice and ability to study or work or both and he is. It’s great. Most employers in the real world do not care where you went, just so long as where you went had an accredited program for the degree required for the job. What he does at this point should not reflect on you at all.

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SH October 1, 2021 - 9:50 am

WOW! Why does EVERYTHING this family does get so micromanaged? NOTHING was said about BYU rules or Brigham Young and his beard. Max made a change in the university he attends. PERIOD. Maybe its time to find another blog to follow…

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Kristine October 1, 2021 - 1:25 pm

Good night, what are you shouting about?

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Trina October 4, 2021 - 10:35 am

I’m not familiar with UVU – where is UVU located, and what is it (I don’t get what the initials represents)?

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Shawni October 5, 2021 - 12:35 pm

It’s Utah Valley University and it’s in Provo, close to Brigham Young University. Both are great schools!

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Sister Peg October 5, 2021 - 9:45 am

It is micromanaged because it’s out here on the internet. Kristine is right, at this point in his life, this adult man shouldn’t have to even think about asking his Mommy and Daddy whether he should transfer schools. If they are paying for it, and they don’t like where he is going, cut off the financial support. I think the micromanaging is being done inside the family more so than here in the comments of a public blog.

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