Teaching Kids to Make Good Decisions (Our “Decisions in Advance” Approach)

(Updated in 2026 to add more ideas on helping kids take ownership of their decisions.)

Teaching kids to make good decisions is something most of us hope will just happen over time.

But the truth is, many of the hardest decisions kids face don’t happen in calm, thoughtful moments—they happen in the middle of pressure, emotion, and influence from others.

My parents had lots of good ideas as they raised us nine kids. One of the most effective things they did to help us navigate those moments was so simple: they taught us to make certain decisions ahead of time.

And you can teach your kids to do the same.

Why Teaching Kids to Make Decisions Ahead of Time Matters

Our teenagers are bombarded with all kinds of distractions. They are so heavily influenced by what they see on their phones and what their friends are doing.

And here’s the deal: As our kids navigate the little decisions they make each day, they are also constantly navigating who they will eventually become. And here’s more of the deal:

• decisions happen under pressure
• thinking ahead changes outcomes

The little decisions made, often under pressure, become the big ones. Kids don’t often realize that in the moment. They’re just trying to get through life. They don’t stop to think about things like what they do in their free time is a stepping stone to who they will become. That the people they surround themselves with matter. They don’t think about how the little choices they make each day lead to bigger choices down the road.

And good decisions lead, ultimately, to a greater sense of self-confidence.

What Are “Decisions in Advance”?

Decisions in advance are decisions that kids can make ahead of time. Before the situation in which to make a decision presents itself, perhaps clouded by pressure (because we all know that’s never a good time to make a decision!). They are decisions that kids can think about in quiet moments when they have an opportunity to reflect on who they really want to become.

Those decisions can be written down in a special place. They can even be signed for good measure. And in doing so, kids have had an opportunity to think about the big picture and how they want it to look.

The Simple Way My Parents Taught Us to Record “Decisions in Advance”

Do you remember these “Dream Books” I’ve talked a lot about over the years?

Well, each of us had one of those puppies growing up.

In them we were encouraged to write all kinds of things, from a descriptions of who we envisioned we were going to be the next year, in five years, in ten years, to our dreams and our goals.

And do you know what?

The majority of the things I wrote growing up came true.

The things written inside that book of mine have worked their way into my heart and changed the trajectory of my life in many ways.

When you write something down, I’m sure there’s some study somewhere that tells us that it’s much more likely to happen, don’t you think?

There was one section in the back of those special books where we were encouraged to think about and write our “Decisions in Advance.”

Our “decisions in advance” were are our own “guide” to how we wanted our lives to turn out.

We thought long and hard about these things because this was serious business. Making decisions before we were in the moment rather than trying to decide things under peer pressure.

Examples of Decisions Kids Can Make Ahead of Time

That little section in my book is a GOLDEN section I tell you!

Some of the things I wrote:

“I will not cheat in school.”

“I will not drink alcohol.”

And “I will not smoke or take drugs.”

Oh, and I had some that weren’t “I will nots,” like “I will strive to make Jesus my friend and let Him into my life” and “I will be a good friend” and “I’ll work to be worthy to get married in the temple.”

Not only did we write down those “decisions in advance,” we signed each one of them, just to make them more legit.

And do you know what? I held true to every one of those decisions. I was so glad to have made those decisions early. They helped guide my life in many ways.

Why Making Decisions in Advance Works

• alleviates the power of peer pressure
• gives kids a sense of identity
• create confidence
• helps kids shift to an internal locus of control
• gives you as parents the confidence that they have already made good decisions when you’re in the process of letting them go

How to Help Kids Make Decisions in Advance

Here’s what my parents did—and what we’ve tried to do with our own kids:

1. Give kids time to think ahead (not in the moment)
The key is making these decisions when there’s no pressure—when they can think clearly about who they want to be.

2. Write decisions down
There’s something so powerful about putting intentions into words. Writing them down makes them feel more real and more personal. Especially when you sign what you’re writing!

3. Focus on values, not just rules
Instead of just “don’ts,” include things like:

• what kind of friend they want to be
• how they want to treat others
• what matters most to them

4. Let the decisions be theirs
This is important. You can guide, suggest, and talk things through with kids. But the more ownership they feel, the more those decisions stick.

5. Revisit over time
As kids grow, their understanding deepens. Coming back to those decisions they have made in advance helps them take even more ownership.

When You Realize It Stuck

So, of course, since that list of decisions of mine meant a lot to me growing up, each of our children has their own list of decisions in the back of their own dream books.

Those books we made together as the kids grew up are, at the moment, gathering dust. No one is around to work on them.

BUT, although they are gathering dust right about now, they are little jewels in so many ways. Those decisions in advance have worked their way into hearts.

Just like the things in my own book I wrote years ago, many things those kids wrote down have been manifested in their own lives.

I was talking with one of my graduated kids a while back and somehow we got on the topic of some friends who were really struggling. I asked why they didn’t do some of the things their peers had done in certain instances in high school.

And out of the blue this young adult of mine said, “well, I made ‘Decisions in Advance,’ you know…”

Isn’t that just the most amazing thing in the world when you realize something in the sea of things you tried to teach your children stuck?

I didn’t know that this particular kid of mine had any recollection whatsoever of writing down that list of things they wouldn’t or would do in life all those years ago. But they did.

Helping Kids Become Their Own Decision-Makers

Kids need opportunities to think about and make good decisions. Especially decisions they can make in advance.

Looking back, I can see how this idea ties so closely to helping kids develop their own internal sense of responsibility—their own “locus of control”—instead of relying on outside pressure to guide their choices.

This idea of making decisions in advance doesn’t just apply to small choices. Because seemingly small good choices become even more important as kids face bigger life decisions, like choosing a college and deciding what kind of life they want to build.

I believe that giving kids the chance to decide who they want to be—before the world asks them to decide in the moment—is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.