Gosh. I feel like we’ve been in a little bit of a whirlwind since school got started. We went to the BBS conference (still need to write about that). I had to have a little skin cancer removed (long saga of a story about that, I’ll spare you the details, but now we’ll see how big this scar is on my chest). A good reminder to stay out of the sun. I had to have a gum graft surgery which is no joke I tell you. I haven’t been able to eat for a week and I’ve been so grumpy. Also, half of my face is still numb and I can’t smile all the way. Not sure that is normal (the doctor says it isn’t but to give it a few days) It’s been throwing me for a loop with worry. So grateful for general health most of the time. I’m also doing immunotherapy so that my allergies won’t knock me out like they have been each spring. Basically I’m a big mess over here.
Our house is full of painters since we’re doing a little sprucing up around here. Trying to be good stewards of this home that has helped us gather and connect so much over the years.
And just when you think all is going smooth and hunky dory with your kids, suddenly it’s not. And you are up all night with worry. All my kids are in such transitional phases right now, big and small, and oh how I pray for them. I know there are so many moms out there who can relate. Why does that somehow give me such a comfort that we’re all in this together? None of us free from the worries that surround this job. But we survive. And we keep going. And somehow there is so much beauty in that journey.
Sending out so much love to all you mamas out there sometimes hanging on by your fingernails. Hoping and praying there is some light around the corner. It’s interesting I went to a class yesterday talking about “Let God Prevail” which I whole heartedly believe and love. I believe we can surrender our kids to God and let Him “take the reins” sometimes. But how do we find the balance between that and working our tails off to “be there” as we feel prompted. To listen to HOW to let God prevail. Because it’s so different for all of us. And so different for each of our kids.
Bottom line: I’m still, at 52, trying to figure out life. Sometimes I like to “figure it out” here on the blog. I love the encouragement and love from others through the years. We need each other! But other times I have to do it in the private, sometimes dark, recesses of my heart. And boy, I’m learning a lot in the process.
Some of my favorite things lately
When I’m in the midst of grumpiness and worry it does help me so much to think deeply of my gratitude. Oh I have so much to be grateful for, and my heart bursts with thankfulness so much of the time.
Bike-riding with this trio of mine, even if the heat is blasting us still at sunset:
A church community that does things like teaching teenage boys how to bake cookies (phew!!) and take them to the families they minister to in the ward:
Dave is in charge of this group and boy I love him so much for that. Those kids and the other leaders are pretty awesome too.
Grateful for this man who will do work projects outside with me in the blasted Saturday heat:
For Indian food, especially when shared with good friends:
Grateful for my community of women and that we got to gather at a back-to-school brunch. I was in charge so maybe that makes you extra grateful for the chance to visit and get to know. Oh there is so much to learn from everyone!
Getting to see these folks on FaceTime:
Not pictured:
So grateful for good books. I’ve read a bunch of new ones lately I’m working to in the next couple days. If you’re on the newsletter mailing list, you got a lot of good book ideas from me in your inbox this week. If you’re not subscribed, be sure to subscribe. I’m working to send out a new little tip or thought each week.
And I love that Lucy will call me as she walks between classes at school. It is so sweet and endearing.
Oh, one more pictured: I’m so deeply grateful for a daughter-in-law who will send me pictures like this on the regular:
I mean, a Buckees swimsuit? Grace my “other” Texas girl (Abby is from Texas and Grace served her mission there) couldn’t be happier about that!
Yep, it worked, I’m not grumpy any more 🙂
So much to be grateful for.
Sending out love to everyone in the trenches, may you find the moments of light and goodness that surround when we are on the lookout for them.
XOXO
Sending you a lot of love and care, Shawni! You are light and light attracts light – good things are waiting for you just around the corner. Fear not, all is well.
Thank you Madeleine! Sending you love right back!
xoxo
Sounds like you’ve been going through the wringer lately with physical and heart-wrenching issues. So sorry you’re experiencing all that! Sending hugs and solidarity from this little corner of the internet ❤️
I do feel like I’ve been in the wringer! Man it’s not fun getting older! But it’s all part of life I guess and I so appreciate the well-wishes, thank you Chaun!
XOXO
Thank you for the positive thoughts as I have been in the trenches lately 😉 Looking for the light definitely does help. I wish you well ❤️ Hang in there!
Oh Janelle, sending you so much love in your own unique trenches. Hope you’re learning and growing through them. But isn’t it interesting that sometimes we don’t realize the learning and growth until we’re through them looking back from the other side. And sometimes that other side sure seems non-existent!! Good luck hanging in there from your side too!
XOXO
Hang in there Shawni! Sounds like you’ve been having a tough go at things lately. You are always so good at bringing the positive! Hope you’re recovery goes well!❤️
Thank you Jill! Sending love right back.
xoxo
I need to thank you for something Shawni. A day or two ago I commented on the birthday post about Ellie. I was feeling very down about the problems my grandson is going through and the effect it is having on my relationship with my adult daughter. ( As a grandmother, I still haven’t learned your mom’s number one piece of advice: Keep your mouth shut grandma! You are not the parent. Anyway, I was telling you how lucky you are to have wonderful, trouble free kids and all that, which I see now was silly of me. Of course you have stuff too. And I kind of feel like your post today is maybe a little nudge for me to help me get it together. At least it feels like that to me, so I’m sharing with you what I learned from you today: (1. Even moms who I admire and love to learn from have their nights of worry. No one is immune from heartbreak over a child or grandchild. (2. You are right when you said that we have to keep going. I really need to practice this instead of unproductively worrying over some things that I just can’t do a thing about. I’m really wasting a lot of time letting my concerns over-ride everything else in my life. (3. You also reminded me that I must be on the lookout for light and goodness. And oh how I want this for myself!! As I’ve shared with you before about my desire for spiritual faith and the enjoyment I’ve been getting learning about the Mormon faith, I’ve got to dive in harder! I want so much to work on the spiritual journal that I’m working on, because I really do find peace in making it. And yes, I include these things that I learn from your blog because that’s how my desire for a faith that feels right to me and gives me peace got started in the first place. (4. Every time I get discouraged about the difficulties between my daughter and grandson, I just want to throw in the towel and give up on God ever stepping in with an answer. Yes, my spiritual journey needs a lot of work. I’m going to find that door some day that opens up and takes me in and says “Yes Laura, never fear. You can trust that there really is a reason for all of this. You are going to have peace if you stay grounded.”
Sorry for this long comment Shawni, but I really wanted to share with you what I learned in kind of lightening bolt thing that hit me so soon after yesterday. Thank you again Shawni for all of your encouragement. Even if you didn’t mean it directly for me, I hope you don’t mind that I decided to pretend it was! LOL!
Oh Laura, how sweet is was of you to send light and sunshine my way on Elle’s birthday post the other day, even when you were in the depths of worry yourself! I am so lucky to have wonderful kids but that doesn’t mean they’re trouble-free. That’s why sometimes it’s tricky to put things out on the internet because sometimes people only get a small slice of the big picture. I love that you sent me back things that now I’m learning from and that were good to hear! 1) I’m constantly trying to keep my mouth shut and just listen. Listening is a miracle-worker, but sometimes doesn’t come naturally when we’re SO wanting to help fix things (a normal and powerful mother/grandma reaction at the right times!). So that was a good reminder. 2) I think all of our spiritual journeys need a lot of work. We have to work and rework all the time. And I guess that’s where the growth comes in, putting ourselves in those places where we can feel the promptings and direction of our hearts (and I believe those hearts can be led by God in such beautiful ways). It almost seems like you have the answers you need “you can trust there is a reason for this…stay grounded.” I think those thoughts you wrote down are really from God.
I came across this post the other day that is kind of along these same thoughts. So maybe it will speak to you in some way: https://71toes.com/sunday-ponderings-keeping-doors-of-our/
I want to send you so much love as you deal with this worry with your grandson and daughter. I think if we’re still enough, we’ll know what to do. And if we mess up, I’m so grateful there really are second chances. Sometimes it’s hard to see them, but I believe they’re there in sometimes different versions from what we’re expecting.
All this to say thank you, and I can feel your goodness through your words, and it lifts me up, and I so appreciate it.
Sending so much love your way.
I love everything about Laura’s comment and I also love everything in your reply. Praying for you both!
I have been studying joy and it has been fascinating to ponder what joy is and how to feel it even amidst the hardest things in life. Such a work in progress for me and I want to keep working hard to figure it out and to practice it more! Life/parenting/grandparenting can be so tricky.
I’m grateful for this post! It’s so nice to see how people hold on to light even in the hard times. The hope and beauty is contagious. Thank you for sharing.
Aw thank you Candace. I am reading “Anxious Generation” right now and there’s a part in that book that talks about that “hope contagiousness” you’re talking about. Thanks for sharing it with me too!
XOXO
Hi Shawni,
I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had cancer. I hope your recovery goes ok. x
Take care.
Thank you Julie, man I’m so glad for doctors who have expertise to take care of things!
XOXO
Hope you are feeling better soon!
Thank you Lauren.
XOXO
Thinking of you during your recovery, and as you and your kids navigate these transitions!
Thank you Liz, sending encouragement back to you in the paths I’m sure you’re working to navigate as well!
XOXO
Thinking of you and sending love.
Thank you Jill!
xoxo
I think maybe, Shawni, you’ve touched on this before… but that social media is curated and seldom do people post about the “grit” – it’s usually their best side. While I am sorry to hear that the Pothiers are going through A LOT of grit right now, I’m thankful that you are keeping it real (I hope that lands the way it is intended!).
I am a skin cancer survivor myself (my “shark bite” from melanoma removal is on my left arm). Very thankful for capable, competent doctors – sounds like you’ve got a good team. Big hugs – the c-word is scary and then to have a physical reminder (especially a visible one) is tough. Wishing you a smooth recovery – and may you find glimmers in your day that make you smile! -Sabrina
Thank you Sabrina! Yes, the c-word is something I’ve worried about for as long as I can remember so it’s a little scary. I’m so glad you were able to find your skin cancer as well, and I join you with so much gratitude for good doctors who take care of things!!!
XOXO
Oh my goodness, you really have been through the wringer and probably continue to do so. Just remember to reach out, we are so here for you💕
Thank you sweet Heidi!
xoxo
I’ve had gum graft surgery and that was NO JOKE. Wow, I was definitely not prepared for the recovery LOL I had just had my daughter and we were basically on the same soft food diet for a few weeks 😉 I have had skin cancer a few times on my face and scar massage and this silicone scar tape has really done wonders in keeping my scars blend in pretty well! https://amzn.to/3AFcWpT
I saw a TikTok video of a blind mom who uses the Meta Ray Ban glasses to help her get around in the world and thought I’d mention it in case its something that Lucy might like
Thank you for the recommendation on the scar tape, that looks really helpful and I may have to grab it. And WOW those meta glasses look so cool, definitely need to look into those a bit more! I wonder if they have prescription glasses that do the same thing? This AI is so crazy, it can do so much! Thanks for the info, I really appreciate it!
xoxo
I’m very sorry for what you are going through! It is enough to make anyone grumpy. As good as it is that you have a coping mechanism, I believe that one should let oneself feel all the grumpyness in order to get it out of the system.
And I hope that the numbness is gone in the meantime! If you read the sentence “I can’t smile all the way” not in the way that you worry because of the medical reason behind it, but because of the fact that you would have so much to smile about, it’s quite cute. 😉