There’s a strange balance to be found in adjusting to empty nest life. After nearly three decades of raising children, Dave and I are learning what it means to rediscover balance, marriage, and ourselves.
What Empty Nest Life Really Feels Like
Even though it’s been a while since Lucy started college, I think that inside Dave and I still feel a lot like we look here as we’re learning to maneuvering this empty-nest gig.
I mean, where do we put our feet?
And our hands?
How do we balance what the other needs and still balance ourselves?
And where in heavens name is the rudder that our children created?
After 28 Years of Raising Kids
For 28 years we have had children filling up our home. Their noise. Their friends. Both their problems and their joys physically HERE, our hearts wrapped up together.
And now there are two.
Acclimating to how this new land where “working ourselves out of a job” as parents has taken us.
And do you know what? I like it: this new balancing act.
Learning to Rebalance as a Couple
Oh I miss those children bouncing around in my space. Their hearts will be tethered to ours forever and ever. We will always be their parents, after all.
But this guy is a pretty good one to work with to find balance with.
We have a lot to learn. A new kind of rudder to create. There’s discomfort and differences of opinion as we move our feet an inch or two, and hold on from different angles as we work together to figure it all out.
But he makes me laugh even when we hit the waves.
And I love him forever for that.
Adjustment to empty nest life is different than anything we’ve known.
But maybe that’s the beauty of it—learning, together, how to build something new.
That’s a cute picture. I wish I could say the same. I feel like we are further and further away. I feel like we finish work come home and doom scroll because we don’t have anything much to say. We live in a small area and we don’t have a ton of friends. We also don’t have much money so taking trips, going out is not much of an option either. Honestly, kinda sucks .
Oh Nancie, I’m sorry this is a tricky time for you. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I do know that it’s possible to build that relationship back up for better conversations. It may take a while and some patience, but if you are both willing to work on connection, there is hope! I came across an instagram post the other day with SUCH good questions to ask your partner. Maybe something like starting with some good questions, gently easing them into conversations could help. I’ll see if I can find that post and come back to link it.
I think finding similar hobbies is so helpful as well. Dave and I are still trying to work on that, we have such different interests! But I’m grateful for the chance to dive in and figure things like this out. I’m also grateful that we have a goal to put away our phones when we’re together, I think this really helps. Those little suckers, while so good for many things, can be thieves of connection.
A friend and I were talking the other day about marriage and how important it is to focus on the good things in our relationships and build around that. It’s so easy when we’re in a funk to dwell on the things we don’t like in our relationship. We’re all going to have those for sure. But if we shift our mindset a bit and try to focus more on the positive parts of our relationships then little seeds of connection start to sprout. I hope that will happen for you and your husband. Sending you love and hope!
XOXO
Loved the post today. Yes it is learning the dance again with just the two of us. I miss our Adult children but really enjoy the 2 of us. I have a strong maternal attachment to mine. I do respect and keep boundaries. I never overstep with too many questions. Glad they are the parents to the Grandchildren . Again I stay at a distance so I do not know them well as I just don’t want to be too nosy. We live some states away from them and that is another wonderful way we can enjoy this time of life as we age. Thank you so much for your positive input and always a shining light.
Love this and so glad you two are enjoying the “dance.” Isn’t it a tricky balance we have to find? We don’t want to overstep yet, it’s so important to push for connection…something we never want to lose. Good luck (to both of us:) with continuing on that balance!
xoxo