Favorites from a few recent photoshoots:
Well, it’s taken a couple months of school to reel back into real life after summer, but I really am trying to get “back in the saddle.” I’m trying to juggle running kids around everywhere, trying to help them keep up with their homework, trying to carve out time to sit on the piano bench with them as they plug through their songs, getting everyone to and from dentist and doctor appointments (we’ve never had so much doctor stuff going on in our lives!), taking family photoshoots, cramming for book club, teaching classes at Blissful Living, and being there for Lucy’s therapy. Sadly, I’m not doing it at all gracefully. I’m groping around trying to hang on for the ride, staying up way too late so I can get caught up and then getting grumpy from no sleep the next day. Dave’s been out of town so that doesn’t help since he’s the one who makes me sleep. And I miss him.
I’m still on the continual saga of how in the heck to do all the stuff that needs to be done without neglecting things along the way. I want SO much to be there for my kids. Getting them where they need to be when they need to be there and making sure they do things like brush their teeth and eat their peas is only a fraction of the battle. I worry about how they’re doing emotionally. What’s happening with their friends? Where has Max’s good grade motivation gone? Who needs more attention right now? Why is Claire being so moody right now? Why is Grace being so more-than-her-usual dramatic? Why is Max suddenly more quiet? How does Elle feel inside that I just caught her in a little white lie? When can I carve out a minute to talk to her about it? How can I help them make their prayers more sincere? Do they really realize not only how much I love them, but do I reiterate enough how much their Heavenly Father loves them?
Sometimes I feel like they’ll be going on and on about what happened in school or what they want to be for Halloween (of course, this changes on a daily basis) and I’ll just be rushing around trying to get stuff done saying “uh huh” when they pause for a second to make sure I’m listening. And I hate that. I want to just sit down on the couch with them and look into their eyes and say, “tell me about your day.” And I want them to look back into my eyes and see all the love leaking out of me over to them.
I hope so much that through the hustle of the day to day they know how much I love them. I need more balance. I need more still-ness. Some day I’ll find it. But first, I have to go to bed and sleep so that I can be on a better quest tomorrow.