Ease Holiday Stress: 5 Ideas to Prepare and Enjoy

Ok, so I spoke at a Christmas dinner a week or so ago, and the topic was how to ease holiday stress and focus on the right things for the holidays. The actual theme was “Make it a Mary Christmas,” referring to the Mary that sat worshipfully at Jesus’s feet while Martha scrambled around.

…Doing the scramble that I usually do during the holidays.

And to be fair, I think Martha was awesome. I mean, someone has to do the dishes and cook and bathe the dog and wrap the gifts. Right?

But I do love that this evening where I was speaking, all those women gathered in, was more about honing in our own Mary tendencies: The ones that put Jesus is the center of it all, and don’t leave us scrambling around on our hamster wheels of “getting it all done.”

I do think that so often at Christmas we are pulled in so many different directions sometimes we can look back and realize that our “ladder” was leaning against the wrong wall all together.

It’s important to start with the end in mind: honoring and showing love for Jesus. Which naturally leads us to honor our families and loved ones.

My friend who invited me to speak, Kristyn, put a little snippet of what I had to share on Instagram, and I’ve had several requests to please share.

So I’m here with five ideas I shared that night. Five things that I’m trying to stick to as we enter into the holidays this week. So that I can call on my inner “Mary” during this holiday season and remember what really matters most.

Start Early

This is where speaking at this “earlier-in-November” dinner helped me. I was forced to start early. Anyone who has been reading here for a while knows I’m not really much of a “plan ahead” kind of a gal. I’m always wondering how will I manage it all this year? And how can I be prepared so I can really enjoy the season…and remember the true meaning of it all? And then it kind of stops there and the scramble begins.

But I LOVED gathering ideas from friends and family about HOW to start early and really plan ahead.

If you are reading this and Thanksgiving is looming heavy right ahead, remember “starting early” can still happen in early December. You got this!

Here are some ideas compiled from organized friends and things that make sense to me, to help us all start early (or at least earlier than usual) this year.

Make a “Dump List”

Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you’re worried about. Just get it all out of your brain and onto paper. Write down all the people you’d like to buy for. Neighbor gifts. Christmas cards. You name it, anything that is looming ahead for the holidays, write it down.

Here’s my initial run.

I’m assuming within a week that will have a lot more scribbles of things I want to plan added to it.

Ask Yourself These Questions

• How can we more fully remember the purpose of the holidays?
• Which traditions do I have my heart set on?
• Which ones can we let die out?
• What SERVICE can we give? How do we want that to look this year?
• Which traditions do my family love?
• How can I manage my time best this year? Do I put it into sentimental gifts? Do I put it into time with individual family members?

Make a Plan

Now that you have everything written down on a “master list,” start to fit in the most important things into the plan.

Write Things on the Calendar

Get out a calendar and write everything down. I’ve realized that some things are so easy to put on a calendar where they stay put. This releases them from my brain where they are often swirling around in chaos. If we write things down not only I know what’s going on, but the family knows too. Here are things that are so easy to put on a calendar:

• Dates when everyone is arriving and/or departing.
• When you have tickets to see a favorite play or movie.
• When you’ll be doing your favorite things like taking a walk of the neighborhood Christmas lights, Christmas caroling. Cookie baking. A favorite holiday movie night.
• Don’t forget to add your extended family Christmas party if you have one.
• Maybe add a game night on there if that’s something that helps build family connections at Christmas. If you need inspiration, we have a few posts filled with a whole slew of family-friendly game ideas that we love, including Minute to Win It games, Games for a Crowd, and the beloved Candy Bar Game.

Here’s our “calendar” for Thanksgiving…the Christmas part is still in the works:

Bottom line, put anything on your list you want to make sure happens on that master calendar. This includes what you’ll be eating during the holidays…still need to do some fine-tuning to that Thanksgiving calendar!

Figure out a Food Plan

Everyone needs to eat. And honestly, when there is food readily available people are less grumpy! This equals a good Christmas spirit in your home, plain and simple.

Figure out which nights you will eat at home or will be going out to eat/at a party, etc.

Make up menus of what will be needed.

Stock the fridge.

Have your family tell you their favorite meals and perhaps delegate that meal prep to them. (See below for more on that idea.)

Figure Out What Gifts You Want to Buy or Make

This is the thing that is helping me most right now. Inspired by some ideas I gathered before I gave my little talk, I made the goal to be DONE with shopping by December 1st. Now, this idea is not for everyone! If I had little kids still clinging to my legs, perhaps this would NOT be the best avenue for me to simplify. But this year, as an initial empty nester, I think I may make this goal.

And do you know what? It feels amazing!

It does help that my girls whipped up a pretty excellent Christmas Gift Guide as a crutch for me.

But this has also helped: I have a list of gift ideas on my phone in my “notes.”

And rather than hemming and hawing over them, I have been sitting down with Dave in the evenings and BUYING THEM. Oh I have problems with this because I want so much to put my whole heart into my gifts. So I go back and forth about what to buy. Dave always tells me that indecision is a no-decision, and he’s right.

So I figured out the magic trick for this this year: when you have a plan, it takes out all the time-wasting indecision. We have a plan and we’re just going for it.

Involve the Family and Prioritize Connection

I think this could be the most important part of easing holiday stress and a smooth holiday season:

Ask your family what their most important things are. Things they want to make sure we get to.

We can easily bustle around doing what we think is most important only to find that the things I love may not match up with what my family loves.

I loved President Oaks talk last conference all focused around the family. He said, “Families flourish when they learn as a group and counsel together on all matters of concern to the family and it’s members.”

Aren’t the holidays a pretty big “matter of concern” to our families? Yes!

Have a Family Holiday Council

This is going to look different for every family. If all your kids are at home it could be a discussion during dinner. It could be writing up a chart. For us, this has been texting and calling. I’ve asked each of my kids, who now live far away, what is most important to them during the holidays. And this is the list they came up with so far.

That is a work in progress, of course. Those are just the initial answers from our group family text. Some of them surprised me. Other things are tried and true. Dave says the only thing he cares about, really, is having time together. And I love that.

Now when we get together for Thanksgiving we’ll go through them and solidify what we really want to do. Then mark our calendar for December.

Here’s the deal: We can make the holidays look like anything we want! There is no prescription. No “right way.” I love this idea for a family council because the holidays really can be catered to whatever will bring the most happiness.

And peace.

No influencer or Christmas post on Instagram can prescribe the perfect Christmas for our families. We are in charge of that.

Together.

Some Ideas for Family Involvement

• Give everyone two “favorites.” You could have them write them down at dinner and put in a jar. Pull them out one at a time and add them to your calendar. This way everyone feels invested and involved.
• Start a Family Christmas Challenge like we did last year. I love that although some were more invested than others, we were communally all trying to do something to better ourselves.
• Delegate tasks. Kids can do so much more than we sometimes give them credit for! My sister had the idea to delegate kids different “specialties:” Spirit specialist, Service Specialist, Gift wrapping specialist, Decoration Specialist, Family Calendar Specialist…just some ideas.
• Figure out how to work in service. this is such a great thing to discuss with family. How do they want it to look? If you decide to do “specialists,” maybe your family service specialist can look up a few things on Just Serve that you can do together.
• Assign meals. I LOVE this idea a friend gave me. Have all the ingredients handy and let them work their own magic in the kitchen. Even kids who are young can learn to cook. And it could be one of the best way to connect this Christmas. My favorite way to connect, actually: working together in the kitchen.
• Plan some time for family connection. I have a whole family connection during the holidays post coming soon. I think this comes up much more naturally when things are planned ahead and scheduled.
• Put away phones. The biggest opposite to “connection” we can get.

Master the Art of Saying No

Especially to your phone. I need to come up with my own plan for that right about now.

Even after our best-laid efforts, there will be things that come up. New gifts calling out to be bought. Fun things and duties right and left. Christmas is a busy time. This is important, and something I often need to remind myself of:

If you’re saying yes to too many things, there are other things that will be crowded out of your schedule. That is just a simply true fact.

It’s ok to say no to even some good things. Try as we might, we just can’t do it all. Yes, this is a pep talk for me! I’m the worst at cramming things in!

Keep Reaching for Jesus and Finding Peace

At the end of the women’s dinner I spoke at, I love what the Bishop stood up and said. He talked about the other story of Mary and Martha in John 11:21-27.

The one where Martha runs to Jesus, begging for his help in her biggest moment of need.

As we’re calling on our inner Mary, may we realize that we all have an inner Martha too. One who is willing to keep running to Jesus. Even in the hard times. Even when things get overwhelming and crazy.

May we all remember everything doesn’t have to be perfect.

The Bishop also talked about the very first Christmas. There was NOTHING perfect about that scene: a stable, nothing but hay, probably stinky animals. So much unknown.

But that baby, born in those imperfect conditions, was perfect.

And HE is the reason for all the hoopla this season. May we keep Him at the center.

May we run to him as Martha did. Put quiet moments of connection in our calendars in our hearts. Prepare Him room in our hearts as we slow down and connect with the people who matter most.

I love my wise mother’s advice: “Decide that when you have the inevitable moments of frustration, anxiety, being taken for granted, exhaustion, doubt, being overwhelmed, just take a moment to think of something you are grateful for at that moment. It can bring light and break up the cloud of a negative mindset.”

So true, mom. Taking time to be grateful can also invite Jesus right on into our space.

If we take time to ponder, I believe we will feel it when we’re on the right track. Take time to memorize the moments, even in the middle of the chaos. Look, or better yet, behold your kids. Your husband. Your family. As Jesus would.

Sending so much love on out on this, the week of the beginning of the holidays. May we all find joy in this grand journey!

Because it is grand! Especially if we take the time to notice and let all that grandness sink in.

XOXO