Friday Q & A

(This is more like a “Friday Evening” Q & A since I forgot to schedule it to post while Elle and I were gone to camp. We just got home a few hours ago and wow, do I ever have a bunch to say about that…

…another time and another day because although it was an amazing experience right now I’m in a delirious stupor from a serious lack of sleep.)

Here are some Q & A’s:

I have never been that consistent with having chores for kids. Please can you tell me what child does what. That way it gives me an idea on what is acceptable at for their ages.. PLEASE LOL!!!

I realized years ago that I had to write down each thing my children do in detail for them to fully comprehend how to really finish a job. So every Saturday I pull up my file of “Saturday Jobs” on my computer and print it out. Each child gets a fresh sheet of paper with their jobs neatly outlined for them and a “bubble” for them to color in when they’re finished. There are about 8-10 jobs for each child on their job charts. There are the “regulars,” i.e. clean out drawers and make sure all clothes are folded (yep, every Saturday all of them do this one), dust dresser tops, vacuum, etc. And then each child has additional other jobs according to their age (I’ll try to remember to post these next week).

If you want to know what are acceptable jobs for which ages I would HIGHLY recommend a good summer read for you: “The Parenting Breakthrough.” I talked all about it a while ago back here. In fact, I need to brush up on that one. I wasn’t so much in love with the last half of the book, but the first half is amazingly inspirational for one trying to teach children to work. Hard.

We also have a rotating kitchen job sign posted in our kitchen. Each night the kids’ jobs switch to make it less monotonous. (Dishes, clear, set table and sweep). Lucy always empties the silverware from the dishwasher (although she’s had a bad attitude about it lately).

I am by no means perfect at getting my kids to do jobs, but Dave and I have learned over the years how incredibly important setting clear expectations is to get the results we want. Does that mean they never whine about their jobs or do a sub-par job? No way! It just means that we’re working on it, all the time.

I also think it’s essential to train, and to get in there and work together.

Tell me, do you make any goals for Lucy, or have her do any regular chores? My girl is about the same age I think (4 1/2) and we’ve decided to start her on regular chores and the summer goals this summer (good luck to us- I’m quaking in my boots just thinking about it, there will be some serious tantrums ahead, but I’ve realized she needs more structure).

Here’s another reason why I LOVE having a blog. When I got this question (and another one like it last week), I realized that in all my hyping the older kids up about summer goals Lucy had slipped through the cracks. (Not quite sure how that happens when she is yowling all the time lately.)

Lucy has goals through her IEP plans for school and therapy things, but she needs to feel like a “big kid” with her older siblings and work right along-side them accomplishing things.

So we whipped her up some summer goals:Yeah, don’t go thinking for a minute that she’s mastered that last one…she just generally can’t help herself when she sees something that can be colored in…

I think for her specifically it will really help on what I like to call her summer-behavior-regression. She does SO well when things are outlined for her.

So thank you, thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Can you share how you deal with the desert heat? Does that end up keeping your kids inside more than you’d like? Maybe that is why they are working out with Jillian Michaels? Surprises me for ones so young. Does Lucy have summer goals?

(Yep, there’s that summer goal one again.)

This is a good question for right now because man alive it is HOT here. Our kids are in and out of the pool probably three times a day. I am in love with it. I can watch them through the window while I make dinner and fold laundry. I love that it keeps them active. Other than that, we just brace ourselves for the heat and thank our lucky stars for air conditioning.

And then we go to Bear Lake and breathe for a while before coming home to endure more heat. Can’t wait.

okay so three questions {from Grace’s birthday post last week}– 1) how do you make that tie-dye cake? 2) how do you make that pinata – is it just paper maichee? and 3) how do you play the headbandz game – looks like oodles of fun!

1) you just buy the “real” food color gels at a place like Michael’s or JoAnn’s, mix as many different colors as you’d like into divided cake batter, and then spoon it color by color into the pan. Easy as pie (thanks for the idea, Claudia!), 2) we just rip up newspaper or magazines into strips and dip them in equal parts of flour and water, then wrap them around a balloon. When the paper mache part is dry we pop the balloon and paint our pinata, and 3) You just have a card on your headband and you can ask “yes” or “no” questions to try to figure out who/what you “are.” The first one to figure it out wins.

Do you ever speak to groups locally?

Every once in a while I do but not a whole lot. It just depends on where I am asked and whether I can fit it in.

I have seen the “cake float” tradition in some of your posts–could you share how that came to be? Thanks.

The answer to this one is in this post.

My question is how do you handle behavior issues with your children when you are in public? I have three young children and have recently had several experiences with my kids misbehaving/back talking/refusing to do what I’ve asked (when they should definitely know better!) in front of friends or neighbors and it’s embarrassing because I feel like I look like I can’t handle my kids. So, I was wondering if you can give any good advice about how to handle these situations?

Oh my word I can SOOOO relate to this! I could go on and on about this one for an hour and a half because I sure have thought about it a bunch. I have been so darn huffy about kids misbehaving in public I think onlookers may have seen those little cartoon-y angry steam puffs coming out of my ears. I used to get SO frustrated but I have learned through the years that I have to take my emotion out of what I am dealing with.

I have realized that when my kids act up I have a choice to make on how to react. I can 1) lose it and get super mad and either yell or cry, 2) bribe or threaten my trouble-maker-of-the-day to be good OR 3) I can take my emotion out of it and do the “Love and Logic” thing by letting natural consequences reign.

The first option is for SURE the easiest route and the one that comes most naturally. But in all reality it does NOTHING for my kids and only makes me more mad because then I get eben more frustrated because I’m mad at myself for how I dealt with the situation. In most instances I believe that getting angry doesn’t change behavior one ounce.

I try to stay as far as possible away from the second option because I don’t believe in bribery. Especially since bribery usually involves some sort of processed, artificially colored food or sugary treat that I’m so overly conscious about now that Lucy has joined our family. I’m not saying I don’t succumb to it here and there…sometimes I’m at my very wit’s end and it’s worth my sanity…but I still don’t believe in it. And I don’t believe in threatening either (again, not saying I never do it but I sure as heck try not to because it’s almost impossible to follow through).

The third option is what I really try for. I try to take every emotion away from the interaction because kids feed on that negative attention. I love my sister Saydi‘s wording best: be a “durable object” for a misbehaving child. Keep them safe but don’t give in to getting mad because in most circumstances it will just fuel the fire. I try to just calmly excuse myself and take them out of the situation. (and then get really mad). I kid…oh boy I sure sound like I sure have this thing figured out right? At least in my mind I do:).

I think one of the most important things is to take the offensive rather than the defensive and clearly explain expectations before going into the grocery store or meeting at the park with a friend, etc. If kids know what we expect of them they are so much more likely to adhere, and then be pleased as punch with the praise we can lather on after their good behavior.

I’d love to hear what others do about this as well…