Two things led me to take my quest for stillness more seriously this Christmas season. 1) A very frank conversation a month or so ago with my brother, and 2) a 45-day Christmas challenge.
You see, “how to be still” is a question I have pondered for honestly YEARS. In a fast-paced world where people often wear “I’m so busy” as a badge of honor, it’s so easy to get sucked into a perpetual mode of trying to keep up. One recurring question we get on our podcast is how to be still, so I think I’m not alone in knowing this deep down:
We need stillness.
Through stillness we find connection. Not only with others but with ourselves. Through stillness we find clarity. It is through stillness that we can hear the whisperings of guidance we long for.
(Art by Brian Kershisnik.)
And guess what? I don’t have a miraculous way or method to suddenly be still. But I am taking some baby steps this season. And even the baby steps feel pretty incredible to me.
Things that Made Me Take “Stillness” More Seriously
But I need to back up. Because let’s talk about the things that made me take this quest for stillness up a notch.
A Conversation with my Wise Brother
The first was that conversation I mentioned with my brother (and a sister too) on our drive back from Jackson Hole this Fall. I want to share the details of that conversation some day, but for now I’ll just say that what was said in that car as we whisked ourselves through all that incredibly gorgeous Jackson Hole valley really, really made me think.
How am I spending my time?
Why am I always to beholden to so many things that may or may not be the most important?
How can I figure that out?
(Let’s pretend that’s my brother gently pushing me in that beautiful painting by Caitlin Connolly.)
An Idea to for a family “Christmas Challenge”
In the midst of the follow-through digging deep about those questions, I had a very rare moment where I felt so guided to a particular idea.
I had been pondering how to make Christmas special since we are not doing actual physical gifts this year. (We’re going to do some family time instead.) Since ALL of our kids are now official adults I think they can handle it. So I was trying to think of ideas to make Christmas still feel sacred and meaningful and this idea surfaced. To be sure, this is no Disneyland idea. But I feel like it will be a good one for us.
The idea was to challenge each of us to work toward one thing to better ourselves in the 45 days before Christmas. One thing, whether it’s mental, spiritual, physical, social, emotional, and stick to it for 45 days.
The idea is to share these things and what we learned from them on Christmas morning. And I’m excited about that.
I don’t know quite what I am expecting or how it will go on Christmas, but I felt so captivated by the idea to give ourselves a gift. And in some way, perhaps it’s giving a “gift to Jesus” as well.
What I chose for my own Challenge
I don’t know what everyone else has chosen, (I’m excited to find out on Christmas morning!), but after lots of contemplation I chose to meditate every day for my own personal challenge…something I’ve been wanting to do forever. I only committed to ten minutes of quiet each day, I wanted this to be attainable. And real.
It feels almost like a ten minute prayer. I find a quiet spot and just let my heart speak to myself and to God. I’ve thought about relationships. Ideas. Love. Beauty. I try to breathe deep.
And I love it.
It’s slow but my heart is all in and gradually over the last 29 days I can feel it creaking and moving and churning in new ways. It’s funny how doing one thing leads to other things too. In the midst of the hustle and bustle my heart is slowing down instead of speeding up to allow more presence.
And it’s making a big difference.
Oh, I still about hyperventilated one day last week when Lucy and I were working our tails off on her last college application, trying to maneuver her computer, and trying to balance a few orders for her cookie business (more on that soon).
I also didn’t keep my cool very well when Grace was home and we were trying to go to a Speaker Series event and our tickets just wouldn’t work.
And all kinds of other things, including trying to cram way too much into a day. Unfortunately I’m not transforming miraculously into a calm and organized guru.
But the baby steps are gradually making me feel more like my favorite statue: grounded and balanced.
And I’m loving the journey.
Here’s to “challenges” that help us find the paths to the kind of people we want to be.
Side Note…
As a side-note, Dave and I also challenged our kids to read Be Where Your Feet Are by Scott O’Neil. We hope they really read it because coincidentally has so many thoughts right along the same lines as our challenge. I took notes like “Everything you do every day will have an impact on your future. What are we going to do with our time?” and “We get to decide the kid of life we live.”
I think that will be fun to discuss as well…if you kids aren’t done reading, get busy! Ha!
If anyone wants to join in for a challenge, come along! A two-week one would work too!
I think you would love Sarah Clarkson’s new book “Reclaiming Quiet”. She is a beautiful writer and I think you would love her perspectives.
Oh thank you for the suggestion, I’ll have to check it out!
xoxo
I think you’d love the book “the power of stillness!” It’s about an lds approach to meditation. One of my fave books this year!
Another great suggestion, thank you! I’ll check it out.
xoxo
Shawni,
I wanted to ask you a question and I’m sure it’s going to sound really dumb, however on my spiritual journey I”m pretty sure I’ve asked you a lot of dumb questions since I’ve become so enamored with the Mormon religion.
Anyway, the picture of the statue in your post. Am I seeing it right? Is it a statue of an angel without a head? I couldn’t tell for sure, but I would love to know about it if you could help me out.
Thanks,
Laura
I’m curious too about why the angel hasn’t got a head. It’ll be interesting to learn wny.
Oh good question! I linked to my other blog post about this art in the text, but maybe it didn’t stand out very well. This statue stands in the Louvre in Paris and is called “Winged Victory.” Read that blog post to see why I love it so much: /a-tribute-to-strong-women-everywhere/
I love it so much that Dave gave me my own little mini statue of it for Christmas last year. To me it represents so many beautiful things about womanhood. And to think of the ancient person (or people?) who carved it? Amazing.
xoxo
It’s a statue in a museum that has lost it’s head because it’s ancient.
You can learn about it here:
https://smarthistory.org/nike-winged-victory-of-samothrace/
Thank you Matilda!!
xoxo
I would love some ideas for starting discussions. I love that you have the “talking couches” and that your family seems to connect in real conversation that uplifts and invites deeper thinking/growth.
I am trying to start the tradition so to speak with my family of having meaningful discussions but it’s not something either I or my husband learned growing up. I would really appreciate some tips or how things get going in your family, both immediate and extended. I have a feeling it’s pretty organic at this point in your family, but what do you think helps that along?
Merry Christmas to you!
This is a wonderful question!
This is such a good question that I want to ponder on for a little bit. I’ll come back with more thoughts, but my first thought is that I think the deeper talking comes when people feel love and are asked good questions. I’m so grateful my parents organically fostered this growing up (and Dave’s family is so good at it too), but it’s never too late to start!
Honestly these questions have started so many good questions when our kids come home: https://amzn.to/49IEmcc. Some are better than others, but they give a good jumping point to go from and lead to other discussions too.
Thank you for giving me something to ponder on, I’ll have to come back with other ideas…or do a blog post about it some time. I would love to hear other’s thoughts about this too.
XOXO
Psalm 46:10…..
Be Still and Know–song by Steven Curtis Chapman
I’d be interested to hear more about your decision not to do Christmas gifts this year. My family of origin is in a similar life stage as yours (except I, at 35, am one of “the kids”!) I would love it if we could pare back the gift-giving and focus on being together. It’s just so much STUFF. But my parents are big gift-givers, so I’m not sure the suggestion would go over well.
Yes this is a tricky balance for sure. And gift-giving is honestly part of what is so beautiful at Christmastime. We are going to take a future trip together in lieu of Christmas gifts, so really, they will be getting that “gift” of travel. But still, strange not to open anything on Christmas morning. So I thought this would make it meaningful. And we do have a few small things we’ll be giving them…I’ll explain after Christmas:) But for this year, Dave and I both want to focus on different kinds of gifts. I hope it works! I’ll definitely be back to report!
XOXO
Just curious, aren’t you & Dave even not going to give each other any Christmas pressies?
Also, won’t any of your family be doing the thing where they give one person a present on Christmas Day etc? That’s my favourite part of your Christmas blog when I see them opening their pressies.
I know in some families only children (I hate the word kids) have presents to open at Christmas but that’s no fun if there aren’t any children.
I’m sure Dave and I will come up with a little something for each other. And I’m sure in the end the kids will get something small. We just want to try having a different focus this year. And I think everyone is there for it!
But YES, for sure the kids will give to each other. Not sure if we’ll do that as per tradition on Christmas Eve or if they’d rather do it on Christmas morning, we’ll see!