Isn’t it interesting how sometimes everything you read or listen to happens to align? Right now everything I come across seems to be giving me brilliantly beautiful lessons about how to know a person. Like, really seek to understand them and learn to love them despite even blatantly apparent differences. Let’s talk about three of these things that have helped me seek to “see” others in a way God might.
- The first is a book.
- The second is a podcast exploring Sikh ancestral wisdom (oh this spoke to me more than I can say!),
- And the third is another podcast delving into how to “see” someone in our church when we have differences.
How to Know a Person, the book
Right now I am reading this book: How to Know a Person by David Brooks.
And you guys, it is so good. I just love that David Brooks, in his later life, has come to realize the incredible importance of “seeing” others.
Going through the work of knowing them and trying to understand them (and it does take work!).
It seems simplistic, and this is not in the book, but I honestly believe that this is how we find world peace:
We stop ourselves in our tracks when we are threatened by someone else. Whether it is because we are comparing ourselves to them or because they do things differently than we do, or because we don’t understand. And we put ourselves in their shoes. “How would that person have to feel to say that thing?” (Or do or feel that thing?) We get curious. We ask genuine questions. We seek to “see” others in a way God would.
All the words of this book are just so beautiful and I’m not even finished yet.
Some things I love:
Things we don’t teach in school
Brooks talks about love and compassion and how they are integral parts of a harmonious world.
People need social skills. We talk about the importance of “relationships,” “community,” “friendship,” “social connection,” but these words are too abstract. The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.
These are some of the most important skills a human being can possess, and yet we don’t teach them in school.
David Brooks
“Illuminators” and “Diminishers”
I LOVE the parts about how there are “Illuminators” and “Diminishers” all around us. Being an illuminator is someone who makes people feel seen. We all have these basic question in any gathering: “Am I a person to you? Do you care about me? Am I a priority to you?” Illuminators “see” others and build. Diminishers, you can guess, diminish others. Seek to take the spotlight. Want to push others down so they can feel better about themselves.
Which one are you?
How to “Behold” a Person
David Brooks tells about the power of “beholding.” Oh it made me love the word “behold” so very much. He tells the most beautiful story of how one evening he “saw” his wife. She was standing in a doorway with the light hitting her just so, her expression deep in thought, and he “saw” her in a way that made him understand her and love her even more. Just such a beautiful story of how WE are the ones in charge of how we see others. If we look at them in a positive way we’ll see more of the positives.
Made me want to “behold” Dave and my kids better and more wholly.
How to Know a Person, from a “Wake to Oneness”
In the midst of reading that book a friend sent this podcast and oh my goodness.
It is incredibly beautiful. And powerful too. It spoke right to me.
All about guess what? How to Know a Person in a whole different format with all kinds of other ideas.
You can honestly FEEL the goodness and love of this woman, Valarie Kaur, ooze out of this episode.
Here’s an overview from the website:
Civil rights leader Valarie Kaur is building a movement to reclaim love as a force for justice, healing, and transformation in America. In this episode, we talk about what led Valarie to courageously explore Sikh ancestral wisdom, how her ancestors’ truths parallel what I’ve learned from the research, and how we need both the eyes of a sage and the heart of a warrior to live a fully meaningful life.
Brene Brown
That link above is for apple podcasts and here’s one from Brene Brown’s website.
Valarie Kaur does such a great job articulating how we are all part of the human race and we can glean so much widsom from those who have gone before. Remember the ancestors I talked about back in New Zealand? I believe so strongly in how powerful it is to connect with the stories of those who have gone before. But this podcast is really her story of hurt and confusion and how she came to peace.
Which involved learning how to know a person.
I’ve added her book to my book wish list because it sounds so fabulous, right down my alley of honoring and remembering those who have gone before.
How to Know a Person in the context of my Religion
And THEN another friend sent this podcast:
You can also listen in Spotify.
Once again, just take a guess as to what it’s about.
Yep, How to Know a Person, but in a whole different format.
Yes it’s another podcast, but it’s based around church ideas and how to understand how other followers of my faith stay or go or question and grapple. I wanted to share it because so many church questions have been asked on this blog and I hope this podcast will help delve deeper into those questions. Not only modesty and garments, but just how people think and how the world makes sense to them.
Really, how to know a person, once again.
I loved this quote the most:
We all are coming from such different backgrounds. Families of origin as well as how our genes are mixed together. We all come at religion and life from such different vantage points. And sometimes we are so quick to believe our way is the best way. We are “certain” about that. But we need to take the time to listen where others are coming from. To have empathy. To seek to understand.
There is such a common good that can be found when we truly work to get to know a person. To figure out what makes them tick. Why certain things are so important to them.
