Lucy Takes on BYU Summer School: A Mother’s Heart in the Middle of It All

You know when little ideas create a spark of possibility in your mind? And then it takes root and you realize that’s a really good idea? That’s what happened in mine when Lucy told us she wanted to go to BYU summer school.

I mean, sure, most kids who do BYU summer school are fresh from high school, but was there an age limit? No.

Would it give her a whole new world of experiences and possibilities? Yes.

Would it open both of us to a whole new world of worry and hurt and also joy? You bet.

But that, as Lucy is apparently well aware, is where all the growth and living belong. In new experiences and new ways to push yourself.

So a couple weeks ago we headed up there to move her in to another new dorm and new college experience. A new place to get her hopes way up for friends and the social life she has always wanted. And a new place to leave herself vulnerable to failure.

But also a new place that could make room for growth and joy.

Do you know what is incredible about Lucy? She just does it. She isn’t afraid. And she makes things happen.

And thank goodness for that because she was NOT about to stick around all summer with her parents, heaven forbid!
Despite all the worry and emotions rolling around for me and Lucy with this move-in, I could feel God tangibly in the details. Amidst trying to wrangle both of our stress (and there was more than I can ever convey), there is something beautiful about feeling cradled in such a safe place with a girl you are desperately and endlessly worried about. BYU is so filled up with familiarity. And prayer.

Move-In Day Nerves

Lu and I were both balls of stress but also excitement when we got on that plane heading up for that new adventure in Provo. We arrived in the evening, almost ran out of gas en route up the canyon where we were staying (noticed we had 8 miles left half way up the canyon, yikes!), turned around and saved ourselves at a gas station and I’m telling you, that was a MIRACLE that we made it.

We woke up early to finish packing up the car to the hilt and headed down for the orientation I had finally talked Lucy into. I was bracing myself for the big task that lay ahead, so much worry in my heart, willing Lucy’s new roommates to see the special person she is. Oh how I am praying for this to be a successful experience.

It didn’t help that we had done this college move-in once before.

It was just like round two of a wild roller coaster that changed significantly in the interim.

Oh this all sounds dramatic. But I’m here to tell you, (and you fellow mothers can attest), this is mother work at it’s hardest. It is extremely delicate work to be so filled up with worry for your daughter yet also have to detatch your heart in such a way that it won’t get splintered into a million pieces. And remind yourself over and over again that it’s ok if she fails. Life is all about failure that we learn from after all.

So why is it SO HARD to let your child be so exposed to that possibility?

Letting Go at Orientation

We walked into that ballroom for orientation a bit late, an orientation guide telling Lucy to just go to where the green sign was at the front. Another of the countless pangs to my heart that Lucy can’t see what the rest of that sea of new students can.

My own two college friends who were dropping off their own kids had saved me a seat in the parent section with open arms and they were like salve to my mama heart.

I was so grateful for the distraction to catch up with them, and also another friend who happened to be there and saw Lucy walk in.

How I love them!

There were parent orientation sessions but I left and spied on Lucy standing alone in her group of “normal” kids talking and getting to know each other, her cane tucked carefully under her arm looking down and picking at her face and my heart swelled up with so much love. And so much worry.

That evening was a sacred one. Grace came and helped get Lucy moved in which was the biggest life-saver for me.

Where was Claire you might ask? She was out of town visiting her boyfriend and we missed her but so very grateful for that Gracie girl.

And then that Lucy wanted to fend for herself. So Grace and I went to the parade of homes, which was a pretty great distraction, yow!

…Until Lucy needed a ride home from this humongous BYU party where she was pretty miserable. Luckily some nice boys from our neighborhood at home had found her right before we picked her up.

Lucy’s not a huge party girl, and you can see by this invite, this was a huge party!!

How nice is that, though, for someone to put on such a beautiful welcoming response for all those new students! Man, people are just good.

A Sacred Ending to the Drop-Off

Grace and I grabbed some things for Lu at the grocery store and then we had an unexpected very sacred evening. It had to do with a family tragedy one of her new roommates had gone through who showed up. There were so many hugs and also tears and that little apartment was bursting from the seams with love. I think we all felt it so deeply right there in that unlikely, previously-nervous-energy-filled space.

God was there.

In full force.

And it was such a good reminder to me that He will show up in sometimes the most unlikely spaces.

He will carry not only this roommate who has gone through a giant loss, but He will also show up for Lucy in her story. He’s there for me in my motherhood story too. And the other roommates. Heavens, He’s there for that giant sea of kids starting out at BYU summer school. Each carrying with them their own secret sorrows and pieces of darkness. God may not take away that darkness, but I believe with all my heart that He can carry us if we’ll let Him in.

Since then, He has shown up over and over again in so many ways. I’ve seen Him.

And recognized Him.

Lucy has had her fair share of ups and downs, but she is doing it. And I am as proud of her as a mother can be.

Lucy’s College Firsts

• Lucy’s college decision and the angels who showed up
• Lucy’s first college dorm move-in
• First year of college with low vision
• Packing up Lucy’s first year of college