As I mentioned, Dave and I went into this whole Lucy-drop-off experience skipping along pretty naive. We figured by year two we’d have this figured out.
I mean, Lucy has done this before. She had a whole year of college under her belt. She was even moving into the same dorm room for crying out loud. We thought we had this down.
Except we were wrong.
Moving a College Student with Low Vision: The Reality
Lucy was nervous. I know because she asked for her signature “special occasion” hairdo (three braids to a braid), and cried herself to sleep when she found out Claire couldn’t come with us to move her in. She was so worried about her roommates and asked for us to all pray that they’d be good.
Thank the Lord in Heaven that Claire worked it out to come after all, because she was the glue that held us all together with her upbeat attitude and her ability to pump Lucy up. Can you feel the energy??
We unloaded and situated and organized and divided to conquer all the tasks.
Oh don’t let those smiles on the two outside people fool you, we were nervous.
Dave was there too, and I’ll be honest, I bet the two of us may have beat Lucy in the nervous category.
Finding Angels Along the Way
Claire stayed at the dorm to help Lucy set up her internet while Dave went to grab the odds and ends we needed at Walmart and I went to pay tuition.
En route back to the dorm I stopped at the Institute building to will some avenues for Lucy to connect socially.
And there were angels there.
The lady at the desk introduced me to one of the teachers who introduced me to another teacher and the four of us stood at the reception desk and came up with a plan.
That’s when it hit me. I was leaving Lucy again and anyone and everyone she met last year is gone (transferred or on missions).
I thought of her all alone in that room for hours and days, on that huge campus filled with strangers she can’t see, trying to learn from textbooks she can’t read. And you know when you’re so worried about something and someone is extra nice to you about it and it makes you completely fall apart? Or is that just me? But as we stood there talking, these angels rallying around me, willing to seek out Lucy. I got all the information and gave them hers with tears welling up and had to get out of there or I was going to bawl.
Dave and I had a private moment together standing outside the dorm before we both went back in, full of our vulnerability of feelings and fighting back all our tears. This wasn’t going to be easy.
A Low Vision Student Navigating Campus
We walked across campus to help Lu sign up for choir auditions and it was pretty special to have her guide us from memory.
That music building is FAR and she took us right there. I had secretly emailed the choir director a couple days before willing him to still let Lucy try out (even though she thought she missed the deadline which she didn’t).
And do you know what? That man happened to be right there in person at the sign-ups getting ready to lock up his office for the evening. He was a gem (another angel) making Lucy feel comfortable.
I tell you though, Dave, Claire and I all looked at each other with big eyes wondering how this would go: Lucy singing a cappella to a stranger all by herself. That is scary business.
All the way back to the dorm Lucy and Claire sang together in that slanty afternoon sun…
…past the beloved and glistening A-Tower (have I mentioned my parents got engaged there??)
And those girls smiling together was a little gift to me and Dave: the award-winning worriers.
We said goodbye and drove away, leaving that girl to sort out that new life, in awe that this was happening all over again.
And her grit.
Every day she is doing this thing. And I honestly think it’s getting harder rather than easier. But she is showing up for it. And I’m so proud of her.
To the Parents of Kids Doing Hard Things
If you’re in a season of watching your child with special needs do something that feels impossible — college, independence, navigating a world that wasn’t built for them — I see you. The mix of pride and heartbreak and worry and awe is like nothing else. Lucy is teaching me every day that our kids are so much more capable than our fears tell us they are.
And the angels show up. They really do. In Institute buildings and choir directors’ offices and in the form of a sister who works it out to come after all. We’ll recogize them if we keep our eyes open for them.
I don’t know what your hard thing looks like today. But I know that somewhere out there, angels are being lined up for your child too. And for you too!
And your child’s grit, like Lucy’s, is something nobody can take away.
If you’re new here, you can read more about Lucy’s journey:
- Lucy’s diagnosis
- parenting a child with special needs: our journey
- how we sent her off to her first semester of college
- the miracles that happened along the way
- how Lucy navigated Greece and Egypt with her white cane
And if you’re looking for adaptive sports and activities for your child with special needs, the National Ability Center in Park City Utah is truly incredible.
It’s amazing how literally angels are everywhere!! You should be so proud of yourselves too, I think as parents we get more nervous than they do!
Looking back on this experience, do you wish you wood have hung back and not emailed the choir director, and let her actually figure things out herself without stepping in? Was Lucy annoyed by that?
Is this really your takeaway from this post, Emily?
Lucy is doing such hard and amazing things, Shawni. She is built of steelier stuff!
Maybe Emily is asking because she has child she needs to advocate for from time to time and is learning from Shawni’s experiences with Lucy. My daughter has dealt with anxiety her entire life and I have stepped in sometimes and been glad I did and other times realized (after the fact) that I should have let her figure things out on her own. Having other parents to chat with and learn from is super helpful!
This was a beautiful post! Lucy continues to do HARD things and she is AMAZING! My son has a brain injury and suffers in silence as he doesn’t like to ask for help! As his Mom I am constantly advocating for him and helping him with things that he isn’t able to figure out. I don’t tell him I have done these things. I just want him to be the best version of himself possible. I carry a prayer in my heart for my son and Lucy everyday!
Offering you a virtual hug!
Lucy has such pluck! Does the school have a disability coalition or student-run org? those orgs are often good places to find angels and friends. And they usually are not all about services either. Some are a good place to learn to advocate, lead, and about the history of disability rights in the US. I am always impressed by the student-led efforts at my local university. They have pushed for more accessibility especially in tech jobs and they take care of each other .
especially in *tech on campus (not jobs)
Shawni!!
I have a question! Day-to-day, when you’re not traveling or doing something out of the ordinary, what does your life look like now that you’re an empty nester? I’d honestly love to see an “at home” day-in-the-life type of post !!
I feel like I’m bored a lot of the time, when I’m not working. if I’m being honest, and I’m curious what other people do to fill their days when they’re home and don’t have kids around anymore. What does a normal day look like for you?
I’ve often wondered this too & it would be great if Shawni could do a post on it.
At 67 I’m still working but am hoping to retire soon.
My situation is a bit different to Shawni’s tho, as I’ve never been married & don’t have any children.
Thank you so much for being raw and real in this post. I have children with a progressive deafness gene and are losing all of their hearing and starting middle school. It’s heart wrenching and yet posts like this give me an immense amount of hope that the angels are there and will step up to help our children . Thank you ♥️