There is Magic in Marriage – Our 30th Anniversary

I believe there is a special kind of magic in marriage.

Sure, it has the power to bind you to one person and give you love.

But there is so much more. Marriage teaches such important lessons about give and take. It allows you to sacrifice so that you can learn how much fulfillment comes in reaching outside of yourself. It helps you become something so much bigger than yourself and to create a type of magical synergy.

Of course, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Marriage takes a lot of work, and some people would balk at the comment that you “get” to “sacrifice” in this day and age.

But I love this phrase from this darling book I gave to some of my favorite high school graduates: “Some of the best things you’ll ever get are what you give.”

And I believe that with all my heart.

Our 30th Wedding Anniversary

I have been married to this guy for thirty years as of this past Monday, June 23rd.

Yes, THIRTY.

How can that even be?? In some ways it seems like we were JUST getting pelted by rice by my little brothers as Dave carried me out of our wedding reception.

And in other ways it seems that my “pre-David” years are lightyears from where I am right now. We have been “us” for much longer than I was just “me.”

Isn’t that strange?

But oh I am just so grateful.

In this world where marriage continues to decline, I do believe that marriage is magic. There is so much power in being linked to someone who can see you intimately. Who can push you in new ways because he knows you so well. Someone who helps you put life in perspective. In marriage you can work on “shadow work” with a trusted companion. And learn the beautiful power that comes when you are humbled by disagreements and learn to stick together in the times when life trips you up.

A Letter About the Magic of Marriage from my Nephew

It is fitting that just this week my nephew, who is serving as a missionary, talked about marriage in his letter. Yes he’s just a 19-year-old kid, but he’s sure learning a lot about life as he gets to know so many people he teaches on his mission. This week he was describing one friend who had decided to get married:

I was talking the other day to a guy who was recently married, and I asked him why he got married (as marriage is less common of a practice on the island).

He started by explaining how good it was to have a relationship, where your forced to give and take, grow and set goals, and then he contrasted it to what life was like for him when he was single. (I will be paraphrasing):

“My only goal was to just get money, it was directionless. You drift from social group to social group, but people change and drift away, especially as they pursue their own relationships. Your work friends stick around longer but they’re not really friends, it’s more transactional with them…

“But when I really anchored myself to someone, all of the sudden I had someone who promised to change with me, and to be there. My goals became, ‘well I want to take my wife on a trip’ or ‘we need to buy a new home’ or ‘should we start a family’ and I wasn’t just living for myself.”

This is the power of anchoring yourself.

That little excerpt just spoke to me so much.

May we all anchor ourselves more fully to those we get to be married to.

Some ways to find more magic in marriage:

• How do you put your husband first?
• Three ways to practice love
• Four ways to love yourself – sometimes we forget that loving ourselves is the first key in being able to fully love someone else.

Our Anniversary Celebration

There have been several special things that have fallen into place just perfectly to help us celebrate this 30th anniversary. Lucy got accepted to a pretty incredible college prep course in Missouri for three weeks just as we were trying to figure out our plan. So the two of us headed out on a pretty grand celebration while she’s been gone.

Hopefully I’ll get to recording that soon.

One of the most special things about it? Getting calls from that girl who is just beaming with happiness with all she’s learning. You can just hear the new-found confidence spilling out of her voice through the phone.

So, as our last child gets ready to fly, and we wrap up thirty years of marriage, I’m just grateful for the ride we’ve taken.

Together.

And for the gift of marriage. The opportunity to step out of “me” and step into “us” that has changed me for the better in more ways than I can count.

Happy anniversary David Stuart.
XOXO

Our Love Story

• Part 1 – when we met
• Part 2 – up to when I got my mission call to leave Dave for 18 months
• Part 3 & 4 together in one post – the rest of the story