There is a moment each night that jump-starts my heart, no matter how hectic or crazy the day has been.  It’s that moment when I check on my kids before I go to sleep. I wish they could feel what I feel as I watch each of them for a split-second. The air is so thick with how much I adore them, maybe they can feel it… Grace sleeps in a diagonal across her bigger bed, covers strewn around her.  She’s a heavy sleep-breather.  And her long eyelashes rest uneasily on her cheeks when I come in. Claire curls up in a tiny ball melding into the two blankets she’s got a vice-grip on…the tattered ones she’s had since she was a tiny baby. Max stretches out across his bed, feet too long to fit, wrapped in his favorite blanket (one handmade and given to us at our wedding all those years ago).  He’s adopted it as his own because it’s so soft. Elle’s angular legs and arms seem much too long for her little twin bed, but she slumbers sweetly with an arm outstretched above her head, wrapped in her zebra blanket she got for Christmas years ago. And Lu…some nights she sleeps like a princess, with one of her soft princess dolls wrapped tightly in the crook of her arm, tucked safely under her chin.  Other nights she kicks all the covers off and sleeps with her head where her feet should be, her cheek smooshed against the mattress. And no matter how tired I am, or how mad-as-a-hornet I’ve been at them for their selective listening or leaving jobs undone, or their sassy-talk, I remember: I am a mother.  Their mother. And gratitude swirls up and mixes in gracefully along with the love spilling out of my heart into those dark bedrooms.

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  1. Also my favourite part of the day. Like you said, it doesn't matter how crazy or mad your day has been, there is something so special about seeing them sleeping, tucked up in bed, warm and safe, hoping they are dreaming of sugar plums and fairies. I love this time of night!

  2. Your kids don't listen and leave their jobs undone and are sassy?! Sometimes it is so nice to know that my kids aren't the only ones. You're so right about sleeping kids, there is something so precious about them.

  3. So, so, so true! Nothing is more peaceful, innocent, beautiful than a child sleeping. They bring out the humaness in all of us if we but take the time to really see.

    Great post!

  4. I love this. Just a few months ago I was thinking…will I ever not go check on all of my kids before I go to bed? Not my oldest it 10. So I'm glad to hear that it will keep rolling on!!

  5. I'm trying to decide whether or not to be a mother. I'm in my 30s, and getting too old, so it's now or never. I occasionally read some blogs by mothers to see what it's like, and most of them make it look like one long craft project interspersed with church picnics and vacations — not my idea of fulfillment. I began to think that my idea of motherhood which comes from what I remember of my own childhood and my own mother didn't exist anymore.

    I don't know if it's because you have children that range from teenage to kindergarten, but the way you write about your family life seems so much more wonderful and real than all the other blogs. It reminds me of the love I felt from my parents growing up from when I was a baby until, well, now. Yes, I'm sure you are filtering out the worst, all bloggers do, but you still write about your family as individuals, real people with distinct personalities and goals, all of which you are trying to nurture.

    Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for portraying a real family.

  6. Hands down one of my favorite parts of my day. The house is quiet, they are sleeping soundly, and for a moment, all is right with the word! Love my little angels!

  7. That is exactly how I feel every night when I see my son curled up with his "fifi", (a tattered blue blanket from when he was a baby), and hear his heavy breathing. It makes all the tears and troubles of the day disappear, and gears me up for a day full of the same tomorrow.

  8. Oh how I love this post! I just found your blog a few days ago and have loved reading your posts. I always think my kids are angels when they are sleeping. I want to sneak in and snuggle up in their beds with them.

  9. You are right. There is something so healing about seeing your kids sleep. We have been going through a very rough behavior patch with our 4.5 year old son, and seeing him sleeping so sweetly reminds me that he is just a little kid and still my sweet baby and helps me forget about the bedtime battle we just had. Thanks for this nice post.

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