Some Thoughts about Carson’s Dad’s Funeral and the Legacy of Love He Left

Thank you so much for all the love as Lucy has taken the plunge into college life. This is not for the faint of heart I tell you! But she’s doing it, made it through her first real week. She’s finagled the routes to her classes and and her academic advisor and is figuring this all out. And she does NOT want any rescuing. But she does really, really hope she makes some friends. And all we can do is pray our guts out on the sidelines.

More updates to come.

But for today, I’ve wanted to share a little tribute to Carson’s dad who recently passed away. Carson and his family have been heavy on my heart for the last month and I feel compelled to share a little about him.

The Loss of Carson’s Dad

My heart is broken for this family who lost their dad/husband too early. It still seems so surreal that he is gone. Over his last month he just got more and more sick. Ulcers and cancer diagnosis that had spread to his brain. Chemotherapy then pneumonia, a ventilator and more strokes…his body giving out on him little by little. And he passed away in the hospital surrounded by his family on July 27th.

There’s something so special to me about this photo of these two, exhausted with so many days at the hospital.

Sometimes, at times like these, the death of someone you love, it just feels like the whole world should stand still. But yet it continues on.

The mail keeps being delivered. The flowers continue to bloom. Life marches relentlessly onward.

But I want to take a sacred minute of stillness to stop at least my world to honor the man Carson’s dad was. I’ve learned so much more about him since his passing. Things that filled so much space with so much goodness. I am grateful for the legacy he left behind with his wife and six children. The kind of people you meet and you can just feel their goodness through and through.

I was up in Utah when Brad passed away, dinner at a park with Max and Abby and their girls, then joined by Grace, and then Elle, fresh from the mourning Simons.

This was sacred.

We sat at a picnic table and cried with that girl of ours. The way she honored that man through her words. The way love is more tangible at a time like this. The way Murphy somehow knew how to give it.

The Funeral

Dave and I flew in to the funeral and it was so special to have my mom as our chauffeur and confidant back and forth.

Tables filled up with mementos from a life well-lived, endearing me ever more to Brad, the man who raised my son-in-law who exudes goodness.

So grateful Murphy came at the end to give us all some extra love.

Every room in that chapel filled with tangible love.

Four of my favorite things from the Funeral

1) A Video Filled with Family Love

I still get teary thinking of the videos his kids made of his life, especially the time-faded old clip of Brad sitting on one of those old “egg/nest” chairs years ago, kids piled on top of him, squeezing themselves into his love. The person behind the camera asked how much he loved his family and he put up his hand with all the fingers up, then kept closing and opening it over and over and over again. Then he added his other hand, blinking out more and more “counting full hand fingers”…his symbol of that he would love them forever and ever.

At the end of the video there were clips of every member of the family each doing the same thing, their hands blink, blink, blinking out love, and more love. Oh it makes me cry to even think of now, nearly a month later. I’m so grateful we believe life does go on. As does love.

2) The Beauty of Mourning with Those Who Mourn

There was something so special to me watching my adult kids mourn with those who mourn. Elle mourning with Carson’s family. Max, Abby, Grace and Claire in the viewing, a room filled to the brim with lovers of Brad, their signatures on his pine coffin. Also the mourners comforting those who came to mourn with those who were mourning. There are smiles in this photo, but there were so many tears as well.

3) Three-Pointers on the Basketball Court

In honor of Brad’s love of basketball, they had everyone gather in the gym after the beautiful funeral (filled with the kids singing and such heartfelt words, all six kids spoke), and shoot three-pointers. Each kid took a turn, following up with a lay-up if they missed. Elle stepped up to that line and was the first one to completely swish that ball, nothing but net, and the crowd erupted with joy.

I LOVE all the expressions of joy behind her.

4) Love for My Daughter’s In-Laws

I felt so overcome with gratitude that Elle has this family as her extra family. They are good to their bones and there is something so specially comforting to have such a family as that. They have so much appreciation for her and clearly adore her as much as she adores them. And all of them have such adoration for that man they lost.

The one who’s love I will always remember symbolized by those hands opening and closing, never-ending love for his family.

It is so beautiful how love is the mortar for families. And that it lasts and even multiplies at the loss of someone who did it well.

Gosh, I’m so emotional. It was hard to tear ourselves away and to give enough hugs leaving those guys, my heart breaking extra for Carson. I love that he has Elle and she has him, and that we could leave them with our other kids to lift each other.

And mom all to ourselves back up to the airport.

Our hearts full of love for this man. Who lived a life well-lived.

…and left a strong legacy of love and goodness infused into his family.

Makes me think about my own legacy I am building. Is it full of what really matters most?

I pray Brad’s memory will live on and that the family will be able to feel him from time to time. It’s comforting to think about how close I feel to my own Grandpa I never met. Brad lives on, too. And I hope he is with Elle and Carson’s future babies, as well as so many other loved ones in Heaven.