Last week my sisters and I got to celebrate my baby sister Charity’s 40th birthday. So much more on that to come, but for today I want to share a quick 24 hours I got to spend with my big kids up there in Utah before the sister-birthday-hoopla. Because the older I get the more I cherish even the little things and the very minutes I get to have with these big kids of mine. Time together is so incredibly precious.
I’ve written my thoughts about that in my family reunion posts recently, the way being together can open so many avenues for communication and strengthening relationships. Even the broken ones. But, of course, the gift of time together doesn’t have to be a big, formal gathering like a family reunion to forge deeper connections.
All it takes is this:
- proximity
- being present during that proximity,
- and recognizing the sheer blessing of time together.
Claire picked me up (the best welcoming response girl).
We met up with Grace, and headed to the Orem temple. And it was pretty special.
Both girls are trying to manage so many big decisions and I wanted to pray together for those things.
But I also yearned to feel the peace that comes to connecting to God and connecting with your kids at the same time. We rarely make it a priority to get to the temple together. Time just seems so limited and we are always trying to cram in a million things. But I have felt such a pull to do that more often and really felt like we needed to be there. There were no appointments but we did confirmations and then walked around that temple and sat on a bench to talk about messiness and rituals and love and life.
Then we ate dinner on the porch of a restaurant during golden hour.
My heart throbs with love for them. And I have to say it’s throbbing with love for Utah right now, too. It is SO GREEN up there!
Claire and I headed up to Park City where I trained her more on blog work (she’s workin as a part-time assistant before she heads to NYC for her internship) while Grace was at work. Then Grace joined us and we got to all three be on the “fortnightly call” my family does.
I was in charge of leading the discussion this time (on a Faith Matters podcast I loved about rituals and how to organize our lives). There was something bursting in my heart having my girls there with the Eyres who were able to join as well. I will have to do a post about that podcast because it gave me SO much to think about!
Loved the hearing the thoughts about rituals and messiness from my parents and siblings, and feeling the love of family.
The girls and I stayed up until 2:00 watching a movie. This was really dumb on some accounts, but really smart on others. I felt so much love snuggled up in my bed with those girls, just the three of us. Together.
The next morning we bid Claire goodbye (she had to head to a downtown marketing internship):
And Grace and I walked through that green wonderland.
Even Elle joined us for a bit.
Love.
Isn’t time just such a beautiful thing? Grace and I walked and shopped and then she dropped me off with my college friends for lunch…girls who helped shape my whole life thirty years ago but who I haven’t been in touch with in forever. More on that later too!
Then my friend dropped me off at Max’s house for my “date” with my boy. Abby and the girls were out of town and I didn’t get to see Max on his birthday so we went to grab something to eat and talk deep for a bit. Oh how I love this one son of mine!
And then, he dropped me off with my sisters and mother for my sister’s grand 40th birthday celebration.
More to come!
I’d love a post hearing on how you have navigated parenting adult children. The really nitty gritty, When you step in and when you don’t. Do you wait for them to ask your opinion or do you just give it.? I feel like I’m drowning. Some days i feel like this is the hardest part of kids. I feel like I’ve had more big disagreements with them then I did when they were young teens, I’ve always had a great relationship with them with but I feel like I’m really struggling,
This is such a great question and something I’ve really been leaning into learning how to do for many years. And I STILL get it wrong all the time. I love that you said you’ve always had a great relationship with them, that means you’ve created a good foundation. Now comes the work of stepping up “into the bleachers” and really letting them lead their own lives. Let the “locus of control” shift and be the best cheerleader. I’ve found that listening with love is the best thing I can do, acknowledging the tough things that come along and being a shoulder to cry on.
I do try my best to wait for them to ask for my opinion, or at least I try to ask if they even want my opinion. Sometimes they don’t and I have to just be ok with that. Oh it sounds easy to write about it here in this little space, but it takes so much work. After pouring your heart into training and teaching and working together, we have to kind of let kids go. Dave and I were talking about this this morning, how the only tethering we have right now is just love. And love involves accepting that they are on their own learning paths, learning in their own unique, individual ways. I think they need to know that we trust them, so we have to figure out how to actually do that, which is work in and of itself.
I think it’s so great to think this through and set intentions as to how we want this stage to look. I’ve written a few posts about this:
https://71toes.com/how-to-move-to-the-bleachers-parenting-adult-kids/
https://71toes.com/locus-of-control-and-learning-to-let-kids-lead/
https://71toes.com/letting-kids-go-parenting/
But your comment makes me think even deeper. I’ll have to give it some thought and hopefully come back to write more, but I’d love ideas from other moms as well! Any way you look at it, this is a tricky stage. But it can be so beautiful too! Sending so much love as you work to navigate it all! Lean on that foundation you have already built with those kids and I’m praying you’ll figure out a good balance!
XOXO
As time goes by, Grace looks more and more like you. She’s your twin! 😊
Aw I love that compliment! Love that girl of mine!
XOXO