Boy howdy did Claire ever have stars in her eyes leading up to her NYC internship this summer. Oh she couldn’t wait. And so far it’s lived up to her expectations.
She is doing a marketing internship in fashion. Not only is it a dream internship, but she gets to live with three of her favorite people on the Upper West Side. I’ll let the pictures tell the story of how excited she is about that.
Those girls know, each one of them to the core, how lucky this opportunity is. I don’t think they have wasted one second there in the city. They are giddy about their internships too. There is so much happiness to be found in the stretching that comes from learning and growing, and that’s exactly what they are all doing.
Arriving in the City
Let’s back up to when Claire arrived. She left us early morning right after the 4th of July.
And this is how she looked when she arrived, heading to my brother Eli’s house for her first NYC dinner. (As luck would have it, he lives a couple blocks away from where she is staying.)
It’s so fun to see where she is when we text (above right). Exploring and taking on that city like nobody’s business.
My brother Tal happened to be in town with his daughter that first night when Claire got there and you can see how she feels about being with them both, as well as those cute NYC cousins:
Life as a NYC Intern
From there she’s been pretty much on Cloud 9 the whole time. Commuting to work:
Doing the work:
Hanging out in Times Square:
Extra fun to be in the midst of some of the World Cup celebrations.
Amazed at all the crazy antics that go on on the subway:
Can you see Claire’s face in the picture on the left above? It looks like those guys she’s sitting by have seen it all before:)
These girls are working at a place called Fashionphile, and she’s pretty delighted about working with the marketing team there and really, doing whatever jobs they put her on.
Exploring the City
One weekend an extra friend came to visit who’s doing her own internship in D.C.
This girl is soaking up every single second of it all. And we are just so happy about that for her.
How did she get an internship like this in NYC?
I was wondering about this—hopefully it’s not too personal—but do you still pay for these kinds of things for your adult children? At what point do you feel parents stop helping financially?
I’m genuinely curious because your kids seem to have had so many opportunities that most young adults I know haven’t had. Have you played a big role in helping open those doors?
I suppose wealth really can provide opportunities that the average family simply doesn’t have access to. It’s interesting to think about how much of a difference that can make in a young person’s experience and the choices available to them.
I imagine it is due to an LDS/friend connection. Fashionphile’s owner is Mormon.
I think the question of how parents handle financial contributions is such an interesting and important discussion to have, though I recognize that it can be a sensitive matter.
But finances aside, I do have a lot of respect for the fact that their children are taking these opportunities, however they received them. I think financially supporting a child who is just hanging around their parents house and not really doing anything is very different from investing in their child’s future, be that paying some or all of their tuition, lodging for internships, etc.
Perhaps Shawni can create an an anonymous survey where readers can share how they handle financial support to their kids/from their parents. I’m sure we would all be interested to learn from one another.
I love this idea! I’ve had so many questions about finances through the years and Dave and my answer to this is going to be uniquely our own from our backgrounds and thinking, as yours will be for you. There are so many creative and great ways to do this parenting thing, especially when it comes to finances, and I love to hear how others do it too.
The truth is, even though we’ll all come up with different answers, it’s a universally very important thing to ponder, discuss, pray about, and gather ideas to figure out. In the end, we all need to do what feels best for our own unique family situation with all the guidance we can gather. And the other truth is that there are a lot of right ways to raise conscientious, aware and responsible adults. Believe me, I’ve examined this on so many different levels. We’ll all get some things wrong on our journeys, and some things right, and I think the trick is that we have to just keep showing up and adjusting when needed.
This is a great question. Claire was very lucky to get this internship because of a connection with her roommate, and she knows that is about the luckiest connection in the whole wide world. Sure, she’s a hard worker and is taking it and running with it, but it was that connection that got her there. It is a paid internship which pays for her rent which is huge.
We did help open the doors for the other internships our kids have done (after their junior year of high school). Max and Grace’s summer internships were for Dave’s work in China, and Elle and Claire’s were found through blog readers who took them under their wings (for which we are forever grateful!). You can find links to all of those on this “letting kids go” page about half way down: https://71toes.com/letting-kids-go-parenting/
And Lucy’s summer “internship” was totally different (through SOAR in St. Louis): https://71toes.com/lucy-takes-on-an-excellent-college-prep-program-for-the-blind/
I agree with you that having the means can be incredibly helpful to find opportunities for internships and experiences. But also know that there really are so many avenues to help your kids open doors. We have so many friends who have found opportunities for their kids in so many different ways. Just even opening their eyes that opportunities exist is so influential, reading books (I LOVED reading “Where the Wind Leads” with my girls about a family of immigrants who had a will and with it they made a way, “The Hiding Place” exemplifies the power of sheer will and goodness, “Mao’s Last Dancer” is filled up with good examples too).
https://71toes.com/a-little-nudge-that-led-to-an-incredible-hiding-place/
https://71toes.com/opportunities-of-where-the-wind-leads/
https://71toes.com/my-2020-book-list/
Also just asking in your work, church, or social community for any ideas or connections can help. It’s amazing how many people out there are willing to help if you get curious and ask enough questions.
XOXO
I was wondering the same thing Emily. I’m not judging at all but it is not anything I see or know.
I live in NYC.. There are lots of internships, although it can be competitive to get one. I don’t say this in a judgey way- you have to be somewhat privileged to even accept the opportunity if offered because it is so pricey to live here- even for 6 weeks (although most internships are at least 8 weeks), even in you a bunch of you share a tiny sublet. Again, I am not judgeing- my kids have had opportunities come there way from living here. It doesnt mean Shawni’s kids (or other kids) are not dedicated, hard working, and grateful but, there is a level of privilege and access for someone to be able to do an internship here. I don’t think anyone would deny that and it should be acknowledged (not that Shawni hasn’t). I think we all support our kids to the degree we can.
I do hiring and interviewing for my agency. I look at the whole package when I interview applicants-internship experience is valued but I give great value to the experience of a young person who worked as a waitress or retail jobs or the like and those who worked their way through school.. You learn so much from that type of work as well.
Yes I agree on all of this. NYC is so expensive and I agree that waitress and retail jobs should be given so much credence and value! There are so many ways to learn and grow and an NYC internship certainly isn’t the only answer! There are so many avenues for learning which is so awesome. Sometimes it just takes a lot more work to figure it out, and Claire knows it, which I think it what makes her eyes sparkle even more with that realization that she really lucked out.
XOXO
Absolutely. It’s called THE ENTITLEMENT TRAP.
I applaud you, Lisa – you definitely should value the young people who are actually working to stay in NYC and are not having everything set up and financed by Mommy and Daddy.
Galavanting around the city is nice if you have money and family connections.
I’m sure they are “so so so grateful” *eyeroll*. But they are most definitely entitled, and are using the internship as a huge photo-op.
I have thought this for awhile. The Entitlement Trap. The whole idea on how Shawni was raised and then how she promoted it for years but has dome the exact opposite with her own kids. We learned how her dad took her to Boston and had her write her own cheque for tuition, and how much that meant to her and how she valued that however her and Dave paid for all their kids college funding. Now they pay for all their travel abroad, all their vacations, etc. if this isn’t the entitlement trap, I don’t know what is.
Nope. The Elder Eyre’s paid for their children’s college. They had bank. How to manage how much and how to be fair to them all created their family economy but the lion’s share of their savings and interest came from the parent’s wallet. It is a unique problem to have. How to make sure the kids get enough to do something and not too much to do nothing. How to make it to the other end without the you paid for their college, or you paid for more mission months was to make them put all their pegs in every night and some of them bought less stuff and got 10% interest quarterly from mom for doing that. There was no 529 in 1974. But to be fair the 2nd generation has it a lot harder to save and have enough for living. In 1990 you needed car insurance, could pay for a medical plan through school if you didn’t have through parent’s work plan anymore. There was no cell phone, internet bill for sometime. And the teens in the 80’s no where near as busy and helicopter parented and had time for that boring part time job. The millennial Eyre’s were too busy for ordinary part time jobs over 2 years leading into college where the gen’s Eyre’s could. The Eyre siblings don’t seem jealous of how the oldest raised different than the middle kid, so it worked just fine. They are the only ones that need to be happy about their upbringing.
I really don’t think the internships do anything but keep the kids busy and away. It probably matters in their world? All that matters is they can earn a living, pay taxes and stay out of trouble. And they are doing that. The kids grew up well. It is a privilege to pay for a kids school. If they set money aside right away at birth and the money grew so it was there for the kids, that is how it supposed to work out. Start saving as soon as they. Born small amounts consistently and over time the money is there. Be grateful the kids are healthy and can use the money. Reading all the blogs for years it seems this family specializes in finding a way to make a living, not seeking out traditional 9-5 jobs created by others. That is really tough. I think the study abroad and internships are a competition between the siblings. It’s a lot of pressure. You really have to be transparent that you are trying really hard to create exceptional humans. But you really can’t make another person be a certain way. They are themselves.
Hi Kris! Long time no see!
You don’t know that they pay for everything for them. We really have no idea of their financial situation, or how their kids fund the things they do.
I can’t speak to what their family has done, but I think everyone can agree that college used to be affordable just from working a summer job and now many universities cost as much as (if not more than) the average American makes in a year working full Time.
My mom was able to pay most of her way through an excellent private university by waitressing a few nights a week; the same school was over $50,000 per year when I graduated high school.
So while we may all have our differences in opinion on what constitutes raising entitled children, I do think it’s worth noting that there are many things kids can’t just pay their way for anymore. And this is not to say that because of this kids shouldn’t have to put in the effort or make sacrifices, but that the circumstances very much have changed in the last 30 years and as Shawni mentioned, you have to adapt and change as well.
You are right it was affordable during the boomer years and unaffordable after that.
Want to be clear- I am not knocking Shawni and her family at all. As I said, there is certainly some privilege involved in being able to take advantage of opportunities like internships in major cities or abroad, it is just a fact. I think the concern and downside is if those type of experiences are valued by employers over other less “glamorous” experiences. I think most parents want to help their children to the degree they can.
From reading this blog (which I enjoy very much), I think Shawni and her family are kind, generous, and thoughtful people.
How would it be to have the “stars always align” to travel, to always run into friends at airports, different countries, California, etc.
I’m interested in blog post lessons on how to have the “stars align” just for everyday life, not even nothing extravagant for the rest of us peasants.
I feel like I’ve lost track … is Claire still in college? Grace has graduated, right? But Claire and Lucy are both still in school?
Sometimes I am gobsmacked that when I first started reading this blog, Lucy was so tiny and all the older kids were still in various grades. I don’t feel like I’ve gotten that much older, but look how much time has passed!!