Starting College with a Vision Impairment
Yesterday Lucy became an official college student.
Well, in all actuality, she started last week in a special “connections” class to kick things off.
But I sit here now, far away from that girl of mine, sending her all my heart with all my might. I think about how it would be to maneuver a college campus I can’t see with assignments catered to sighted people and I don’t think I could survive.
This girl is so brave.
For months I have been praying for angels. I have been asking everyone else to pray for angels too. And they have shown up in so many ways, even here in this amazing “village” on the blog. The comments in the last post made me so teary and calmed my mama heart so powerfully, right when we needed it.
So many have asked for an update, and I’m finally feeling stable enough to at least hit the tip of the iceberg. This has been a roller coaster week I tell you. But I so want to remember how it went.
Last week Dave and I stayed close in an airbnb to help her settle in and see how this thing was going to roll.
The Move-In
Tension in the car pinged around like an irregular heartbeat en route to move her into her dorm. We were all smiles one minute, then in tears the next. We don’t know how to do this work: moving our last child, the one who can’t see: things or social cues, into a place far away from home. And leave her there.
But I’m in awe of the kindness of others, and I’m so aware of the miracles that have been so abundant getting Lucy settled in.
Oh it’s been so up and down, so many dark and hopeless moments. But SO MUCH goodness.
I remember sitting at the computer, my heart beating wildly trying to help Lucy secure a single room back in April. There was one available on two different floors. I had to make a split-second decision that I knew could make all the difference. I mean, who you room with in college is a big deal. Who would the roommates be on one floor as opposed to the other? And the neighbors too? But I’m here to say as we stood there chatting with those roommates in the little hallway after they greeted Lucy so beautifully on move-in day, I think God directed that quick decision back in April. Because they are incredible girls. They had immediately invited Lucy to join them for dinner and a movie at the quad.
It’s so amazing how such a simple invitation can be so golden.
I’m sure they thought I must be a little nutty as I wiped at my tears telling them how grateful I was to meet them.
Lucy, true to form, was feisty and opinionated wanting things just-so in her dorm room. Luckily we had a little help choosing some of the things she’d need in preparation.
Love that these cheering angels were around to help us in Provo before we headed up:
Abby had taught Murphy to ask Lucy “are you excited to go to college Lucy?” and she asked her that question about 45 times.
It was the sweetest.
There was a lot of excitement and also stress getting her moved in. But Dave and I had to smile to ourselves as we left her there that first night. This was really happening and so far so good.
A Roller Coaster
Since then there have been all kinds of ups and downs.
Some Highs
Some of the best parts were Lucy’s first day of her “connections” class, offered to freshman to help integrate into college and kindle a love of learning.
A roommate who happened to have her class in the same building she could walk with.
We had a sliver of an opening where she let us walk around and explore campus together.
A special “first day of college cookie chat” sitting in a parking lot eating Lucy’s favorite “first day” cookies under the sunset. Her telling us all about her adventures that day.
A little more college exploration:
Angels showing up…in class, on campus. This one in the middle and his wife happen to be related to us along with her family, and they showed up at the very moment we sure needed a little pick-me-up.
One of my highlights was talking to her on the phone when she was walking to something, hearing her ask for help from strangers. I’m so grateful she will do that!
Some Lows
Oh I will definitely spare you the gory details of the lows. I’ll just say that there are so many more things than even we realized that will be obstacles. Things like trying to figure out the cafeteria: a huge cavern of a place made for sighted people, filled with all different kinds of food that she can’t see. People directing her to use the kiosk which she can’t see, and pointing to where her food should be, which she can’t see. I know the disability center will help with this, and also that she will figure it out, but it’s just one of the many things she’s working to maneuver.
On the third day, specifically, we all took a nose-dive. There was just so much stress for all of us, and I had to will myself to be a “durable object” over and over, and not let her stress (or Dave’s!) throw us all in a tailspin. There were some sleepless nights and some big worries.
A Reminder About Small and Simple Things
But there was a moment, sitting in our airbnb where I was reminded of the scripture a friend had brought up recently about “small and simple things.”
“…but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass…“
–Alma 37:6
We are taking baby steps. Steps that can be frustrating for all of us. But I believe with all my heart that those baby steps can bring great things to pass.
We just have to be patient. And keep doing the work to make things better.
Isn’t that how all of life is? If we consistently do those small and simple things, so much good can happen.
There was one morning when I went out and did a little hike alone.
The skies were dark and I was just looking at the climb:
I remembered that sometimes we have to take a minute to stop and look how far we’ve climbed with those “baby steps.”
And we have to recognize the small and simple beauty along the way.
Because sometimes that’s all we’ve got to keep us going.
There was one comment in the last post that keeps sticking to me:
Just think about all those other things she’s done in the past few years — things you’ve shared with us, and I’m sure there are other things. I bet for every one of those things you thought ‘HOW is this going to work?!’ and it worked out beautifully. I am absolutely certain that it will again. 🙂
She has so many Internet Aunties out here rooting for her!!
I was so grateful for the reminder of all the “small and simple things” that have gone before that “worked out beautifully.” Because when I look back at the path we’ve traveled, I sure see them. And the good people like all these “Internet Aunties” who are such angels cheering on the sidelines. xoxo
The Luminary – Our Last Night
Lucy was pretty adamant that we should NOT help her much while we were there. Until she was desperate for help. Man we were walking a tricky balance! The last night we were there she was in a panic needing to show up in a particular spot for the traditional “connections” luminary. It was dusk and by the time she reached out she was lost and in a panic. Dave and I split up to try to find her and I had such an overwhelming peace come over me.
She was going to be ok.
She has the tools to make this work.
Lucy is the pluckiest girl I know, and knows how to ask for help when she needs it.
And guess what? She figured it out. When needed, she found someone to help. She showed up, and walked with the sea of thousands of freshmen parading through campus holding their lights. Weaving between hundreds of parents and alumni holding their own lights to light their way.
I love thinking of the analogy of each of those kids holding their own lights.
And us holding our own lights along the sidelines cheering them on.
Learning to Shine Her Own Light in This “Impossible”
I have learned there can be so much good intermingled the dark. Like lights along our way. And I pray Lucy can continue to seek her own light and the light of all those angels who surround her. I believe my Grandma is one of them from the other side, cheering her on to continue on that path to the “Impossible.”
Because she has learned, as have I, that ““When you master the seemingly impossible, it does something for you that fits into your very character for a lifetime, and makes the next impossible thing seem that much easier.”
She’s doing the impossible, shining that beautiful light of hers.
With God there amidst all the details.
Thank you dear blog readers, for all the support. Sending so much love back to you!
And Godspeed to my brave Lucy. She’s on her second day triumphantly finding classes and talking to teachers and working with the disability center, angels all around.
Sending love to all the other kids starting college right about now, and their parents too! So many big steps as all of us work to maneuver a whole new world. May we all remember it is “by small and simple things, great things can be accomplished.”
Look at her fly! And you too!! I can only imagine how emotions are sooo all over the place right now.
But she did it and so did you!!
Do you think you might move closer?
We are still in the process of “doing it,” in the midst of some rockiness right about now. But she is doing it and I’m so proud of her! We are not planning to move here but are so glad that we get to come visit often!
xoxo
Go Lucy, this is amazing and kudos to you and Dave doing an awesome job raising an amazing young woman.
Thanks Keya!
xoxo
Hi, we don’t know each other but I happened upon your instagram and have followed you for a while, loving your parenting posts. My oldest (of 5) is a freshman at USU as well and playing on the volleyball team. I texted her your post and told her to keep an eye out for your daughter. If she can help at all, she would be so happy to! My email is ashleysSpencer@gmail.com.
I just emailed you, Ashley. Thanks so much for your kindness!
xoxo
❤️
Ditto!
I’m so inspired by your girl! I have a daughter who is an introvert and struggles with social anxiety. She is a senior this year and I cannot imagine her living away next year for college! This has been something we have talked about but can’t actually forsee it going well. Social situations are just tough for her.
But then I read this and think…man…if Lucy can do this, so can my girl! She is bright and capable and fun and would grow SO MUCH through it.
I’m saying prayers for your girl…hoping she has a great year!!
My son is going to school in Logan and helped my cute niece that was in connections the last two years. He is the kindest kid and loves helping others and he took such great care of his cousin while she was there, he works and goes to school but would be willing to help her anytime if she needs it, feel free to reach out any time.
That is so nice of you. I hope some how all these connections will work together to help any kids involved. I still remember a conversation I had with a mother of an adult daughter with Down’s Syndrome. She reminded me that befriending someone with special needs is not only a blessing to the individual who needs help, but to the giver of the help (I explained that better in this post: https://71toes.com/two-tips-for-raising-kids-with-special-needs/ ) I hope your cute boy feels the blessings from reaching out. And I really hope he runs into Lucy!!
xoxo
Oh thank you Jen!! We are seeing so much growth even through the tough parts. Sending prayers that your daughter will find the path that’s best for her! And sending love too!!
XOXO
You are doing such a great job as a mother! I know and feel with you how hard all of this is for you emotionally! You are doing everything to make this transition as smooth as it possibly can be, and I’m convinced that – even though they seem like baby steps – these first steps into a new chapter were actually huge. Many things will fall into place from now on, and Lucy will get more and more confident and skilled in her new surroundings. I wish all of you all the best!
Thank you, Petra! I am praying so hard that you are right! This is a tricky journey but thanks so much for cheering us on!
xoxo
Hi Again Shawni!
This made me cry and in a beautiful way. As a mom who has struggled to accomplish the impossible this reverberates and my heart is 100% with you. I am so very proud of Lucy and of you! You remind me to have faith and know that with compassion, drive and kindness all things are possible. I so cant wait to hear about lucy’s (and you and Dave’s!) adventures.
Aw Sarah, thank you and I am sending you the best vibes and prayers as you struggle to accomplish the impossible in whatever ways you are battling.
xoxo
Oh, Shawni this was so beautiful! It made me cry! Lucy is amazing! So proud of her and all that she has accomplished and all that she will accomplish.
She will have many angels surround her each day. We as mothers worry about our children and especially those with disabilities. My boys are disabled, and it weighs heavy on our hearts each day. They are 25 & 28 but I still worry. I know that if I leave it up to Heavenly Father and have faith that all will be well.
Sending hugs to you! May you be comforted to know that angels are all around you and Lucy!
Thank you so much Tammy! Sending love to you and those boys of yours, and may you be comforted by those angels as well. If you ever have advice to throw my way from your experience, I’m all ears!
Love, Shawni
xoxo
<3 <3
Education is so important. I just love that this is part of your daughter's goals. Whatever happens – it will teach her and her colleagues/fellow students SO MUCH. Really a nice pick me up for me to read this today.
XOXO
Whew! That was a lot — but you all got her there, settled, and connected to the people she needs right now, and all you can do now is trust her. She’s always been your headstrong, determined baby – the last of the bunch, and she’s GOING to find a way — and more than likely it’s going to make her a lot more willing to ask for help and accept help because that’s how she’s going to achieve her goals.
All you can do is sit back and let her draw on all of the tools she’s been given over the years, and the resources on campus. Some things she will encounter, she will have no option BUT to ask someone to help, to explain that she cannot see, and needs a specific type of guidance to navigate (especially in the cafeteria!). I think she’s going to become a pretty big advocate for herself. Accommodations on campus ARE made by the admins, but it also takes a village of thoughtful, kind students to accommodate the out of class times, and I think she’ll find if she asks – help will be there – especially if the vibes on campus are how you all felt when she picked this campus.
And don’t worry about her making friends — because every friend group has and needs the feisty friend! You all have raised a confident, self assured young lady – she may have struggles and lows, but she will not fail at this – she has too many cheerleaders and angels around!
Thank you Jackie!!
xoxo
Can I ask a question??
I have a daughter just a little younger who also does not get some social cues. How do you navigate this? Do you explain to her that she missed the cue, do you apologize to others? I just want her to be accepted and feel confident, but honestly, sometimes I cringe at things that she doesn’t really get, and not typical of someone her age.
Oh Mandy I feel for you and for her, this is just such a difficult thing! And probably has a unique answer for each child and mom who struggles to guide. I have found that with Lucy she is so deflated if I give her any suggestions but yet she really needs guidance. So I’m trying all different avenues. Trying the 5 to 1 ratio: five positives of what she does well to every one explanation that she missed a cue. Honestly it has been one of the trickiest things to balance. As a mother you want so much for your child to have confidence AND social skills to make friends. Over the last few years I have tried to steer to the side of just unconditional love and let go of my own pride because these things are sometimes just so difficult to learn. I hope they will come with time (and some certainly have!), and hopefully with the help of peers to teach her. But there are other things that I think, because of her syndrome, she may not have the capacity to remedy. It’s so hard to figure it out. I will say that if Lucy really steps out of line socially I definitely have her apologize. And to her credit, after her huffiness subsides she often does this without me even asking.
Not sure if that helps, but I will just say I FEEL you! And your daughter too. And I’m sending you both lots of love!!
xoxo
Hi Shawni,
Thanks for the update.
I’ve been thinking of Lucy & you & your family a lot & praying for you all.
I’m so glad that Heavenly Father has answered our prayers. I knew He would.
In the first couple of weeks at British colleges & unis they have freshers week where they have different activities to meet the other students. Maybe the connections thing is the same.
That is so cute what Murphy kept saying.
I will continue to pray for you all, especially Lucy.
I know that Heavenly Father & The Saviour are always there. x
Thank you so much sweet Julie!
XOXO
Hi Mr and Mrs. Pothier,
As I read this, I was reminded of my time as a freshman in college in Manila. My parents were incredibly supportive of me, especially since I was going to live alone in Manila while they were in the province (our hometown), hundreds of miles away. I was only 16 years old at the time.
My dad had to work, but my mom stayed with me (she booked a hotel)—until the night before my first day. I still remember the moment she had to leave me at my dormitory. I couldn’t hold back my tears and cried all night. On my first day as a freshman, I showed up with dreadful, puffy eyes from crying. I cried almost every night that first week, and had to go home midweek because I was terribly homesick (only stayed overnight because I had class the following day). I was overwhelmed with homesickness, and my parents were so worried that they had to visit me once a week, driving hundreds of miles away.
But time passed. I met new, wonderful friends and gradually found my groove. What got me through college was our prayers—mine and my parents’.
From a child’s perspective, I can assure you Ms. Pothier: Lucy will be fine. She will be fine because God is always with her, and because YOU ARE HER PARENTS. Your love, support, and prayers mean the world to her, and she is truly blessed to be your child.
I always remember this: A parent’s voice becomes the child’s inner voice. The words you spoke to Lucy growing up will remain deeply rooted in her and become a foundation of strength. I truly believe you planted a kind, supportive, and loving voice in her—and in all of your children. Because of that, they are blooming into their own sources of motivation and encouragement.
I just turned 29 and recently got engaged, and your post truly touched a sweet spot in my heart for my parents. My siblings and I often say that our parents are the wind beneath our wings. Because of them, we stay afloat and keep flying, learning how to navigate this crazy world. You and Dave are that same wind beneath Lucy’s wings—and for your other children, too. Thank you for being such wonderful parents. Lucy will be fine because you raised an incredibly spirited woman. You did a good job as parents, and I truly believe God is smiling up there because He is proud of both of you. God raised wonderful parents in both of you.
Love from the Philippines XoXo
Dear Shaira,
This is such a wonderful comment. Thank you so much for being so open.
Best regards from Germany, Susanne
Oh Shaira, this is such a sweet comment! THANK YOU so much for sharing your experience. I LOVE what you said about how a parent’s voice becomes the child’s inner voice. I also cringe a little about that thought because I sure hope that inner voice is made up more of the good things I’ve done as a mama over the bad. I’ve had my fair share of impatience and not-so-shining moments as we all do. But how I pray that the love I have for each of these children will overpower all the mistakes I’ve made in raising them.
Wishing you so much love and happiness in your upcoming marriage, and the future opportunity to raise your own children and infuse them with your own positive (and seemingly very beautiful) inner voice.
XOXO
Lucy is so brave! So are her parents!
Thank you Tracy, she really is so brave! Sending you love!
xoxo