Letting Kids Go: Preparing for My Last Child to Graduate

So here we are, preparing for my last child to graduate this week.

And life has been filled to the brim with festivities as well as mountains of homework and sleepless nights.

Some days are joyous anticipating this amazing upcoming step. Lu and I look at each other with big eyes. This is really happening!

And other days we all have little black rainclouds of worry hovering over us. There is lots at stake coming up with Lucy’s big plans.

Most days, it’s a mix of both the joy and the anxiousness.

Because getting ready for graduation isn’t just about caps and gowns.

It’s about preparing your heart to release a child into what comes next.

The Questions Every Parent Asks

Dave and I worry about all of our kids when they graduate. There they are with their whole lives stretched out in front of them. We know from our perspective that there will be things to celebrate and glory in as well as mud to trudge through. Tears to cry into pillows at night mixed in with new opportunities, new pieces of their “villages.” New fears to overcome and new mountains to climb.

We join all the other parents of kids graduating in wondering:

Have we prepared them enough?

Who will be there for them when they need a friend?

How is this going to work, really?

Unique Questions when Kids with Special Needs Graduate

But Lucy is a whole different ballgame. So many extra concerns heaped on our hearts.

How is THIS going to work?

Oh, she’s got grit in spades. But there are so many things even we, as her parents, aren’t sure how will pan out.

Ready or not, graduation is rolling towards us like a steam engine.

And we know from experience, that whether these kids stretch their wings and fly or find themselves falling, failing, it’s all ok. Because they’re learning either way. And they have a village to help them through whatever comes. Lucy probably even more than my other kids.

She is so lucky to be surrounded by so much good.

I have to keep reminding myself of that!

This is the part of parenting no one quite prepares you for—the slow realization that letting go isn’t a single moment, but a process that begins long before they actually leave.

All the graduation Preparations (Big and Small)

Between all the events and deadlines, there have been a thousand little things filling the days.

Schedules to coordinate. Forms to sign. Emails to answer. Last assignments to finish. Quiet reminders to check in, to follow up, to keep everything moving forward.

It’s a strange mix of ordinary and significant.

I find myself noticing things I might have rushed past before. The way she moves through the house. The rhythm of her working at the kitchen counter. The familiar patterns that have shaped our everyday life for so long.

On the surface, all this hoopla looks like just another busy season of parenting. But underneath, it feels different. Heavier somehow. Like each small task is carrying a little more weight than usual.

Because these aren’t just preparations for a ceremony.

They’re preparations for a transition.

Even the small decisions feel bigger right now.

What to say yes to. What to simplify. What actually matters in the middle of it all.

And I keep coming back to the same quiet thought:

This is part of letting her go too.

Not just the big moment on graduation day, but all these small, steady steps leading up to it. The organizing, the supporting, the stepping in when needed—and slowly, intentionally, stepping back. Shifting that locus of control.

Celebrating Her in Ways That Fit Her

Everything in this graduation process is different with Lucy. From the things she wants to do to celebrate to the things she does NOT want, under any circumstances, to do. She is not a fan of pictures, but she did request graduation pictures. And I was so happy about it because it meant I didn’t have to wear myself out begging. Ha!

The good stuff:

1. Because her friends were going to be wearing white dresses, she decided she could handle a new dress. I know this sounds weird for a mom to be happy a daughter wants a new dress. But not weird if you know Lucy. It has to be exactly the right feel and fit and hallelujah that we chanced upon one on Amazon that fit the bill.
2. It took some work, but she let me actually blow-dry her hair (she always insists on a braid). She didn’t let me sweet-talk her into curls, but I’ll take the wavy crimping she requested. Had to document that because it’s a big deal:

Senior Pictures

And then there we were, out there taking Lucy’s senior pictures.

How did we get here???

We realized after those first few photos (doesn’t Bo look pleased up there??), that we forgot her glasses and had to run back to get them.

There we go!

Oh man, how I adore this girl of mine.

Oh the places she’ll go!

I am the luckiest to be her mother. She teaches me every day and I’m so grateful for her.

The Village That Helped Raise Her

Each year they put on such a nice dinner for the kids graduating from our ward congregation. This year it was here:

And I sat and looked around at those leaders in so much gratitude. How much they’ve taught and loved and nurtured and built up these kids for all these years!

Each set of parents stood up in the front and said a few things about what we love about our senior.

The seniors:

Lucy’s awesome young women president who has been so good to her:

A Scholarship Award Dinner

Lucy applied for and received a special scholarship for kids with vision impairments from the Lion’s Club. They had a dinner to honor her as well as the other scholarship recipients. I loved the chance to honor this girl who works so dang hard at school.

Graduation Announcements

Graduation announcements were a little different with Lucy too. She was quite set on using pictures from in a corn maze last fall. I mean, her jean jacket she wears summer or winter must make an appearance, right??

So I just followed directions. And I love how they turned out…so “Lucy.”

(I have a whole story about college decisions and thoughts as soon as Lucy agrees to let me post more about it. There is so much to say. But for now just a little “teaser.”)

We stuffed, mailed and delivered those puppies for days, but there you go for those who didn’t receive one in the mail. I have SO much gratitude for everyone who’s been in her village cheering her on for all these years. Especially blog community people who have shared so much love and encouragement for me and for her through thick and thin.

Means so much.

A Graduation “Not-Hot-Seat” for Lucy with Friends and Family

We had a version of our traditional Pothier “hot seat” when kids come and go. It has become a ritual for welcoming and sending off adult children. Except that Lucy requested it to NOT be a “hot seat.” So we worked a game in instead. And she was glowing about that.

It was such a fun night!

The Emotional Weight of graduation and letting go

Oh there is so much more to say. So many more emotions to grapple with. This is just the tip of the iceberg, as any mom of a senior can attest. The business of letting kids go is always quite complicated, whether they have special needs or not.

The photos, the events, the announcements, the celebrations.

But underneath all of it is a quieter kind of work.

The work of loosening your grip just a little more.
The work of trusting what you’ve taught.
The work of believing they will find their way—even when the path isn’t clear yet.

Getting Ready to Let Go

I watch Lucy sitting at the kitchen counter, working so hard, pushing through, showing that grit she carries so naturally.

And I realize that this is what I need to hold onto.

Not the fear.
Not the unknowns.

But who she is becoming.

Because letting kids go doesn’t start on graduation day.

It starts here—in the middle of the busy, the messy, the beautiful lead-up to it all.

And maybe that’s what this week is really about.
Not just getting her ready for what’s next—
but getting me ready too.

More on Letting Kids Go

• Letting Go of Adult Children: The Rhythm of Reunion and Release
• Letting Your Son Leave for Two Years
• Life as Brand New Empty Nesters