I sat my kids down this morning and had a little heart-to-heart lesson on a very important topic:
Because it turns out it’s a very important thing for a child to know in order to keep their parents’ sanity in tact. (Stop reading here if you the phrase “throw-up” makes you queasy, because this post is plastered with it.)
Unbeknownst to us we walked in to a little bit of a stomach bug when we were up North in the mountains earlier this week. A quick 24-hour thing, but still, throw-up is throw-up.
So, here are the rules to master the etiquette that I hope I got across to my sweet children this morning:
1) First and foremost, throw-up goes in the toilet.
2) Do not throw-up in the sink.
3) If you do happen to throw-up in the sink because you really can’t tell the difference between a sink and a toilet in your sick delirium (sure, it happens, I understand), don’t try to rinse it out with water when it gets plugged. It’ll only make it more clogged. Which equals more mess for your mother.
4) Don’t eat chocolate ice cream if you’re sick to your stomach. It makes for really tough throw-up clean-up.
5) Do not get on your hands and knees and throw-up on the carpet. Especially when it is about seven feet away from the toilet. And even more importantly especially when it’s just inches away from tile, because that makes your mother extra frustrated. You see, tile is much easier to scrub than super duper light tan carpet piled with chocolate-tinted throw-up.
6) Your mother still loves you even if you wake her up in the night and she gets all huffy because she has to clean up gobs of throw up while dry-heaving. She’s just a little tired and a lot grossed out.
7) Just because your mom buys Saltine crackers to dissipate your stomach ache, it doesn’t give you creative license to leave trails of crumbs throughout the entire house over and over and over again.
There. Just had to get that out. Two kids down, here’s to wondering who’s next…