As Valentine’s Day approaches I keep thinking about the power of love.
Love as a verb.
Loving people that are easy to love and also those who aren’t.
People we don’t understand, or who are so different from us.
Does that mean we don’t have boundaries and we just accept everything? Of course not. But I so believe what Father Gregory Boyle told us when Dave and I got to go hear him speak last month:
“You discover your true self in loving.”
I talked about what he taught me as I was thinking about fostering deeper discussions.
But there’s so much more that he said that was so powerful about love.
I LOVE how this man has learned to love those so different from himself. He works with gang members and genuinely loves them back into society. And I want to keep some notes here so I can remember them.
Because I sat there in tears in that audience, holding on to each word that rang so true to me.
Some Gregory Boyle wisdom:
“Church is not what you go to, but what you come from.”
We go to church to learn how to be better disciples of Christ, right? But what really matters is what we DO with what we learn there. Just listening isn’t enough. We need to internalize what we learn and transform it into love.
Affectionate Awe
Be amazed at the weight people carry instead of judging how they do it. “May we go to the margins not to change others, but to change ourselves.”
Don’t hold up a bar, hold up a mirror.
This is what they do at Homeboy Industries. They don’t wait for the gang members who come there to reach a “bar” of goodness, they “hold up a mirror” to help them see their own goodness that’s inside.
“We are all a whole lot more than the worst things we have ever done.”
I LOVE this thought when I think of parenting. And “spouse-ing” too. I love thinking about how our kids (and spouses, and SELVES for that matter) are not defined by the bad. May we be defined by the good.
Two principles that could change our whole society if we believe them:
- Everyone is unshakably good.
- We belong to each other.
I just love that concept. We all have goodness in us, sometimes buried deep. May we look for that “true shape in God” that is sometimes hidden.
“We need to open our arms wider.”
“Put one loving foot in front of the other.”
As we respond to the needs and challenges of each day, may we envision ourselves putting one loving foot in front of the other. Sometimes unconditional love doesn’t come in one fell swoop. But if we take those loving baby steps we can find it.
This Valentine’s week, may we find more pieces of our “true selves” as we reach out and love those around us a little bit better.
Father Greg is amazing. I was at that same speaker series and also have followed and loved his work for years. If you get the chance, go visit and tour Homeboys next time you are in California. It is beautiful to see the love in that place- the number of “homies” that walk through there and openly embrace each other and the staff along with the way the staff just stop what they are doing to help their people and we heard multiple times “we are glad you are here”.
I LOVED his book. Such a lovely rallying cry to see past hidden biases and into a person’s heart. Love love love it. That’s true discipleship to me. As an ex-Mormon in Utah, I get plenty of platitudes from well-meaning church members who randomly appear at my door with cookies and proclamations of love for me and that they’re praying for me 🤣 . But the folks who really impact my life are the neighbors who show up to help me carry in groceries or offer me a ride if I’m walking somewhere. Simply because they know me and see a need they can fill out of the goodness of their hearts. No agenda except to be a good person. These people represent true discipleship in my opinion ❤️ (100% not a dig at Mormons, by the way. Some of these neighbors are Mormons while others are atheist or even Jehovah’s Witness! Good people from so many backgrounds who just embody being a good human. ❤️)