I feel a little bit spoiled because I’ve been able to attend a myriad of inspirational weekends lately. Yes, from motherhood retreats to Women’s Conference to Time Outs, surely I have soaked in enough uplifting, invigorating and motivating messages that by now I really should have been able to transform into Superwoman.
I have grand visions of how I will change when I come home to those sweet children and husband of mine (who always seem to have become even more witty and good and beautiful in my absence).
I vow to do what it takes to become that better person those words of wisdom I’ve soaked in have motivated me to be.
The problem is this:
Life happens. And as it does, my resolutions begin to fade.
Sure, it’s just gradual at first. The cushions get pulled off the couch for the 25th time and as I am rushing around tripping over shoes that have been left out to get to the fourth carpool of the day I rack my brain to remember the words, the wisdom that washed over me so recently.
Oh yes, I’m supposed to take a deep breath and count to ten. I do and life is better for a bit…
…until I realize I’ve forgotten an ingredient for dinner, Max starts teasing Grace who begins to howl, Elle’s tugging at my arm to come put her eye drops in, papers are stacked all over the counter waiting to be sorted, Claire is telling me some story from recess I wish I could pay attention to as two different phones are ringing, Lucy is wailing about being “so hungry” for the fifth time and the e-mails compiling by the minute on my computer start to make me feel sick to my stomach.
As much as I try to shove away the frustration and impatience that looms large in front of me, it’s too late. Because by then the clock is ticking late into the night filled with endless homework, unfinished practicing and perpetual messes.
And of course, the homework is usually stuck to something un-wiped on the counter and someone is crying because they have forgotten their math book and as I sit to help them I notice the stack of insurance bills I was supposed to sort and call about today that I never got to, which reminds me I never called to schedule an appointment with the new whiz-bang doctor I’m sure is going to solve all Lucy’s issues.
Oh yes, and there are five sets of fingernails that need to be clipped.
But before I let myself get mired down in frustration I must remember that as much as I want to nestle into real life and become my better self…someone stronger and wiser, I can’t do everything at once. No matter how hard I try (at least not until some day when I figure out how to grow six extra arms and a few more eyes and ears).
Someone wise once said “the first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Yes, little steps will make all the difference. Now if I can only get organized enough to start on those little steps again…
I’d love to hear any ideas on how to incorporate more inspiration into the every day.