What the Fires of Motherhood Teach Us

(Originally written in 2011 and updated in honor of Mother’s Day after some new reflections in Egypt.)

Taking a recent ride in a hot air balloon got me thinking about a speech I gave years ago when I was unexpectedly chosen as the National Young Mother of the Year. My speech was about how the hottest fires in our lives are often the very things that lift us. They change our perspective, and shape us into stronger mothers.

I found myself thinking about that speech all over again recently while reflecting on motherhood, resilience, and the refining fires that shape us.

About hardship and refinement.

I realized I believe those words even more deeply now than I did then.

My 3-Minute Speech at the Convention

I shared the following thoughts at the American Mothers National Convention in Washington, D.C. in 2011 comparing the fires of motherhood to the fires on a hot air balloon.

A Hot Air Balloon and the Fires of Motherhood

One beautiful spring morning when I was a teenager, I had the rare opportunity to take a ride in a hot air balloon.

I loved it.

As the world started to shrink below me, I was overcome with the sheer beauty that such a different vantage point allowed. I saw everything from a whole new perspective.

It was so interesting to think about how the heat of the fire was the catalyst for heating up the balloon and lifting us high into the sky.

One of the Fires We Face

Four years ago our fifth child, a daughter named Lucy, was born with six toes on one foot. The doctor quickly reassured us that having an extra digit was much more common than we realized. That toe could be removed without a fuss.

Just like that teenager in that balloon years before, I had no idea at that time what fire that seemingly insignificant extra little toe would bring into our lives. A couple years later, that extra toe would lead to a diagnosis of a rare genetic syndrome that would cause a myriad of health issues. The most heart-breaking one for us: imminent blindness.

Although our journey has certainly been a refiner’s fire, I would never trade it. It has made my children glow with compassion. It has made me be a more deliberate mother, and my dear husband, well, he’s still trying to figure out whether he likes this fire much at all.

But that’s ok. Some fires last a long, long time.

We All Have Fires

Everyone has some unexpected fire in their lives whether it is on the surface or deep down inside. Our fires are sometimes big and sometimes small…things ranging from your seven-year-old thinking it’s funny to call 911 (like what happened at our house last week). Or they could be smoldering long-term fires like having to deal with drug or alcohol addictions, or losing a loved one.

But I’d venture to say that as we look back on these fires, big or small, we would probably all agree that they, although at times horribly painful, have elevated us as they have given us a new perspective in life to make us stronger.

I love this quote from Rick Warren: “Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.”

The Perspective That Comes Through Hardship

Just like a ride in a hot air balloon, sometimes the wind takes us places we may not want to go. But we have to train ourselves to cherish the new vantage point that the fires in our life give us. And eventually we find that these fires are what elevates us to become the kinds of Mothers God wants us to be.

In closing I want to share one more quote:

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved piece, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‑‑WOW ‑‑ WHAT A RIDE!”

May we all go forth and remember that fire has the power to elevate. If only we will allow the hand of God to help us through the hottest, most smoldering parts. And we may as well enjoy the ride in the breathable parts along the way.

Another Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

As I mentioned at the beginning, last week, years after giving that speech, I found myself once again rising quietly into the sky in a hot air balloon. We were on a family trip in Egypt (so much more to say about that soon), and we all had stars in our eyes about this opportunity.

And just like all those years ago, I found myself thinking about the fires of motherhood that have changed me.

About how much we learn through the rough parts.

As I watched the fire blast into those colorful balloons awaiting flight, I was reminded about it’s power. How the heat that feels absolutely unbearable at times is often the very thing that lifts us and changes our perspective.

How the Fires of Motherhood Refine Us

Motherhood asks us to love deeply enough that we are willing to walk through fire for those we love.

And somehow, through all that heat and refining, we become more ourselves.

We do that “impossible” thing that makes the next impossible thing that comes along survivable because we have stretched ourselves through the fire.

How grateful I am for all those who have gone before and who surround me now with strength like Mary in the Pieta. And resilience as they face the raw and incredibly trying fires that come our way.

May we all remember that the fire is what gives us humility. It helps us understand better the feelings of others, and strengthens the very fibers of our motherhood hearts.