I’ve written about my thoughts from the book we read for our “Tech-wise moms” group (The Tech-Wise Family), but I kept this part out for a post of it’s own because it’s one of the biggest things that hit me from the book.
Here we go:
I know what you’re maybe saying…ok, so it takes seven minutes to get into the meat of a real conversation. Fine. Great. But why is that so important? And why did it hit me so much?
Well, I feel like life gets so dang fast-paced with kids and family…and friends for that matter, that sometimes we don’t take (or should I say make) those seven minutes work to connect us deeper. If you really think about seven minutes, lots of conversations are quicker than that these days. And we use texting to get our point across more than ever. But when we do, we’re missing out on real, deep conversation that takes focus and love. It takes shooting the breeze for a little while. It takes talking about that math teacher that is driving our kid crazy…and when they know you are really listening…maybe six minutes in (ha!) …then they may spill the beans about something else they’re worried or excited about.
The connection deepens.
Part of what this author talks about is how great conversations are in the car:
…and I totally agree. That’s why I love road trips so much.
But technology squeezes out even that time so much if we let it.
Ok, I have many more thoughts on this, I wrote this earlier hoping to come back and expound…but you get the idea right? And right now I’ve got to run real-talk with my kids before the day gets nutty. I think I have a good seven minutes before we all need to scatter 🙂
Hi Shawni, this question is more on the topic of friendship, but a little bit related to your today's post as well. I am a shy 41-year old mom of 4. I love, love being surrounded by people and wishing for deep friendships, but feel like I do not have much to offer to other moms (in conversations), so I mostly decide to stay on the sidelines. Also, English is my second language and i am very self-consciousness about speaking it. I often find myself not knowing what to say to a fellow school-mom in those first 7 minutes and I think they actually might be the most important. In that time the other person decides if she likes you and if she wants to continue the conversation / ask for your phone number / invites you for a coffee… Have all of yours friendly relationships come naturally and organically to you or you had to put some intentional effort to work on them? If later, do you have any good readings (books or websites) to recommend? You seem to have hundreds of friends all over the world. I have always been wondering how you do that 🙂
Hi Gordana. Have you heard of Brooke Castillo? She is a well- known life coach and has. Podcast. She has a great episode called How Not to Be Shy. She gives some good tips and ideas on how to talk to people. It’s episode #203. Give it a listen.
It sounds like a great podcast Molly recommended…I'll have to check it out. It makes me think of another one a friend recommended on our group text for tech-wise families: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/better-than-happy/id1021836339?mt=2&i=1000409360882
I actually have not listened to the whole thing, and my friend sent it with our kids in mind, and social media…trying to help our children to develop good relationships. But it's really for us moms and what I listened to was great.
I think that yes, all friendships take a certain amount of intentional effort and work. There has to be give and take, and it takes effort to be in touch, to call every now and again, to check in on needs, to serve, to love unconditionally. I have been blessed with great examples of this in my life, and those examples have helped me shift a little out of my shy mode.
I think being a friend comes first from just being interested in others. Ask a lot of questions. There is so much to learn from every single person you meet. And as you ask, they will ask you questions in return. I'd personally love to know more about you…what your first language is (you speak English beautifully…at least in your writing you do!) Let go of those language insecurities and reach out if you can because you'll learn a ton about other people and they will learn about you and there will be seeds of friendship there.
It's ok to be shy! But the fact that you love being surrounded by people and desire more deep relationships makes me think you need to push yourself. You be the one to ask for phone numbers or invite others out for coffee and be sure to utilize any "seven minutes" you get 😉
Not knowing you in person, I don't know if this helps, but I can tell just from what you said that you would be someone I'd love to get to know! You have so much to offer in your thoughts and your background. Be confident in that (and be patient) and you will find good friends all around you.
That’s a beautiful reply, Shawni. And I agree with you. People like Gordana are always the most interesting to talk to! I’d go for a coffee with her too!
Hello Molly, Shawni and Lenka.
Thank you very much for all the replies. You just made my day! I very much appreciate you taking the time from your busy lives to respond to my question. I will check all the podcast suggestions for sure.
Shawni, I agree with you that everyone has an interesting life story. I was born and raised in Serbia (Ex-Yugoslavia) and I was there through all the bad times, including NATO bombing. You and I were practically neighbors for a year and and half while you were serving your mission in Romania 🙂
When I was 24 I moved to New York, following my then boyfriend, now husband who got a job there. I studied English first, than got my BBA at CUNY Baruch College, worked for 2 years in a boutique investment company, got married and started a family. And yes, I was there on 9/11/2001.
After 7 years in New York, we moved to Malta, a small island (archipelago) in the middle of Mediterranean sea, and had 3 more babies. Now, still in Malta, I am a stay-at-home mom of 4 boys (ages: 11, 9, 7 & 3) who sometimes struggles with feeling of not being enough.
I come to your website almost daily for a healthy dose of inspiration and love. I admire your positive attitude and outlook on life and appreciate your willingness to share them with the rest of us. I know that you hold in high regard providing service to others and wanted to tell you that, for me, your service is immensely helpful.
Thank you for making the world a better place, one blog post at the time!